Sunday, April 24, 2005
lolx. damn it. well. er, yesterday did IPW. sianx. lols. hmm. today gotta bia homework. lols. only finished my Chinese Assessment book. the rest haven't do. all so damn difficult. **** the teachers lahx. actually english is okay, just lazy to do the comprehension. then somemore got 2 papers. then science so damn difficult. alot questions don't know how do liaox loh. maths also damn difficult sia. then i switched on computer, wanted to do bibliography. yeah man, what bad timing. my parents came back when i just switched on the computer. yeah, they just suck alot. they have lots to say. lots of stupid irrelevant things. it's not like they are stupid or what. they just don't believe me. just because the exams are coming, yeah so what? mrs yeo told us IPW isn't everything. we still had other subjects too. yeah. whattheheck. exams aren't everything too. so what if exams are coming? actually, exams are just a revision. a test to see how much we've known on the chapters. yeah, but the students apparently just crammed and mugged for exams. yeah, and the brainless parents will think that students have to study real damn hard for exams. that's what they think. afterall, my parents doesn't even care for me at all. they only do what other normal parents do. bringing me up, feeding me and all those same things. that's what she only does for me. i don't know what i did to deserve this kinda parents. stupid boring parents with a damn idiotic dad. yeah, i thought we got better. but that was just on the surface. he added another damn stupid comment. whatever. my stubborn parents. yeah. they are just there, in my life, to dampen my spirits and make fun of me. whatever that happens, it's MY fault. as if they are some damn big people in the world that they can just blame anyone they want to. yeah, damn it. my parents, afterall, are just a nuisance in my life. greatBIGobstacles. i really feel like scolding them. i don't care if they scold me, reprimand me. i don't know. i feel so lost in the family. as if i don't belong. they just don't understand me. i don't know what else to say. my father don't even believe me at all. haix. i don't know why they don't believe me. or why i hate the things they do to me. is it because of what happened in primary6? yeah, so what if it is. i already told the truth. i know i'm wrong. i know i have to be responsible. but responsible doesn't mean to agree with whatever stupid things the teacher is saying at that time when she is wrong. why must everyone blame me. first, they got all so excited and kept shouting, laughing whatever. then later, they were just like, i forgot what i did. i did nothing. and i have to bear full responsibility. anyway, people do change. at least, they change after they realise what they do is wrong. at least im responsible. i own up, not like those idiots who somehow forgot about what happened and got away scot-free. i don't care. im right. but i've changed. my parents just won't believe me. just now, i just gave my dad a 'bu shuang' stare. i don't care whatever he thinks. im really so damn pissed off by him. when i've enough things to piss me off, homework - jianbao, maths pp, science pp, eng pp. all these have pissed me off enough. and art too. i haven't completed them. and my father wanna be part of it. to piss me off. and my relatives too. everytime i meet them, they tease me, make fun of me. can't they put themselves in my shoes and think of how they would feel? even my parents help them too. tease me, make fun of me. the only one who helps me everytime is my cousin. yeah, but i think somehow her mother don't let her go out with us. and everytime they tease me, no one can help me. haix. they really piss me off. i wanna be normal. can't i? i don't know why they like to tease me. am i funny? or any of my actions are funny? i don't know what's the problem with them. even that day before my birthday, i was feeling feverish and sore throat. but i don't even want to tell my parents. i have MUM and DAD and 1 BRO. my brother was sick. and both of them took so much care of him. no one even had the time to notice me. we cut the cake, but no one even cared to sing a birthday song for me. the only ones who wished me happy birthday weren't my family members. just none of them. only my friends wished me happy birthday. haiz. somehow, i think all these things that happened. and after all these, i've somehow turned more rebellious. im sick of all these. i just want someone to understand me. i think my friends understand me more than my family does. no one in the family remembers my birthday at all. at least my friends know, or they ask. but i don't blame them. they don't have to know all these. but the thing that hurts me most is that the person who gave birth to me don't even know my birthday. she even thinks it's 21st april. haix. i don't even think this is funny. everytime my relatives ask her about it, she hesitate so long. then says 21st april. and i have to correct her. then she would laugh so loud. it isn't just a mistake. it is real that she doesn't know. it hasn't happened only once. it happened alot of times. i've had enough of it. and somehow i think the distance between me and my cousins have drifted, though we chat on MSN. but it seems that we don't talk to each other when we meet. we felt like we don't know each other at all. and im not bothered to talk to them at all. i've had enough at home that i don't wanna suffer anymore outside.
i failed once again @ 3:22:00 pm
