Tuesday, May 31, 2005
it's lunch time now. but i have no allowance. someone tell me what to eat for lunch. maggi noodle? ahh! just hate my life. maybe i'll just do with eating biscuits. feel so bad. why is everyone around me leading a great life? no, at least a life way better than me. they get stuffs they want, and they don't need to dream and think of the day they will get it. for me, it's totally different. i can only dream and think of when i'll get it and later arrive to the conclusion that i wouldn't get it anyway. hais. people say life is like chocolates, you don't know what you'll get out of it next. what surprises you are going to get. but it's a totally different thing for me. i don't get surprises at all. i mean pleasant surprises. hais. why is life so dull for me? i see no brightness at all. with my family, they only scold and nag. anything spoil blame me. as if i spoil everything in the house. things get lost or misplaced blame me. everything is my fault. it's so unfair. i say it's bias. it's true, but my mother just won't admit it. why don't they blame my brother? why blame me only? then last time when i very young i lied once, and everytime after that, my brother bully me then my mother listen to my brother cos i lied once. and it became i disturb my brother. and i get caned. but this is different. mrs yeo said always the younger ones say nice things to make parents happy then the older ones get into trouble le. but is different for me. so long as i know, my brother have only been caned once. and me, umpteen times. not that it's all my wrongs, but my brother's lies landed me in all this troubles, and he get away scot-free. and my mother don't even believe the things i say. blehs. my brother fail his paper. then he say alot others also fail, he not only person who failed. then my mother just believed me and signed his paper. then i didn't even fail, but get low marks for maybe the history papers, then i told my mother i only one who passed, and she went "hahahaha! very funny" and scolded me. blehs. why can't she even take a step to believe me at all. then that day after the examinations i think it was a wednesday. then my mother came back from work very furious and came scolding me for nothing. then we need to prepare at least some info for ipw the next day, but i was just sitting there watching the television, and my mother came back and shouted "if you dare switch on computer, i chop off your hands." then i just didn't use computer. and next day ipw i didn't bring all the bibliography and survey stuffs. blehs. why must things always turn out like this? then later my father opened a pack of potato chips and asked if i want. then i said i don't want. and my father asked my my mother cane me. NO! SHE DIDN'T SCOLD ME. BUT SHE THREATENED ME. anyway, i just kept quiet. hais. even if she want to threaten me, she don't have to say chop my hand right. hais. can't she even remember stuffs that happened to my hand before and how they "rescued" my hand. the time when i was young and my hand went in with the door, how did they try to pull it out. they don't even remember at all. and my mother threatens to chop off my hand. i know it's just a threaten. but why must she say hand? don't she know that by saying that, she could have hurt my pride. hais. my life is so dark. i've tried looking on the brighter side, but it's always my parents, they never understand me. they make fun of me when we go out with relatives, then when i don't want to go, they don't allow. why must i be their victim, why must they always make fun of me. they feel happy, but i feel like crying. and even when im crying, they still won't stop making fun of me. instead they continued and said things like there's gonna be a flood soon. they just don't understand. they never tried to understand my feelings. hais. whatever. i don't wanna talk about those MORONS AND IDIOTS that i've known since im borned into this world. i rather remember those happy moments with my friends who understand me much more. blehs.
i failed once again @ 12:21:00 pm
