Wednesday, June 22, 2005
haix. i know everyone has problems. but why can't problems just be solved easily? just now, mum just came back. and called me to wash my bag. so i went off to wash it. around 30mins later, my brother phoned for me. and at that time, mum was playing some computer games while dad was changing the water for the fish. and my mother just told my brother i was bathing. no one actually knew i was sitting at the chair. doing nothing. as i stared hard at the fish tank. can't believe everything will go wrong one day, when my brother left for NS. looks like afterall, he's the one who brings the family together. i didn't expect that there will be problems with the fish too. the pump wasn't working, and there was lack of oxygen. perhaps, i've been neglecting too much to realise all these. and i tried to switch on the television set, it couldn't be turned on. more problems. so i just sat there, wondering about all the problems. why are there so many problems. i never thought such things would happen. just amazed at how things happen. haix. everything can just happen, afterall. so nothing is impossible. just that, whether you are determined or not. the family's like so cold ever since brother left for NS. mum's hogging the phone and computer and television every night. while dad's busy with his fish, newspapers or magazines. and for me, busy with the television and homework. we were all in our own world, too deep into it, that we didn't even realise what's happening around us. and mum was like so rude yesterday, peifang actually called me, and mum called her to call later cos she's chatting with other people while hogging computer and television. it doesn't seem like we're family at all. dad didn't joke like he did last time. mum didn't care as much as last time. my brother seems to get further and further away. haix. well, probably mum didn't care as much cause she wants me to be independent. that's maybe a reason. but she's scolding non-stop. somehow, i don't really feel that this is holidays. firstly, we didn't even go overseas at all, not even JB. secondly, there's too much homework and projects to do that i have no time to relax. probably the same for all. thirdly, mum's been scolding and shouting non-stop. i rather call us the torture-days. it ain't as good as before. perhaps this is just a part of growing up. but the only thing i still don't understand is why can others have those gadgets and gizmos they want and i can't. i wouldn't mind spending my own money on those stuffs i want, but they just don't allow, saying it's a waste of money and stuffs. it's like everything every teenager wants, they say it's a waste of money. so does it mean that to me, everything that every grown-up wants, is just a waste of money? if only i can get all the things i want, then my wishlist would be full. full of stuffs like handphone models, personal laptop, creative neeon, albums, vcds, movies, bags etc. afterall, if you ever realise, the things in my wishlist are rarely stroke off, because i can't get them. that's why i ain't putting so many stuffs there. and well, now. great. i don't even know if i have a bank account. i'm not being lame or stupid or caring too little. it's just that mum made a new account for me and UOB and transferred all my savings from POSB over there. then later she withdrew all the savings and put them in some finance. great, i can't withdrew money anymore. cool, huh. and the allowance they give, is like so little. i go out with friends or relatives, spend money need spend own money. lunch use own money, no one ever cooks or buy for me, not even in holidays. haix. everything we need for school is bought with my own money too. haix. and my phone's top-up card is paid by myself. things i call my mother to buy when we go out without my father is paid by myself. ezlink card top-up is by myself. haix. i have to pay for these things myself and mum keeps calling dad not to give me allowance for no reason. say i qian her money. i should say she qian me bian lah. kao bei. then all my savings i also can't know where it is. just like in the movie i not stupid loh. then every alternate years, my hongbao money is she take and ownself use de. so sucking loh. people gimme that as ya sui qian and she take and spend on stuffs she like, without considering how i feel. what the heck. by right, i should have over $1000 in my savings le. but she everytime take my money use. ta ma de. i got give her permission like that. the thing i hate most about her is that everytime we go out with relatives, they keep comparing see who more hardworking, who help mother with housework. wah lao. the things she does is wash her OWN clothes, wash vegetables, iron HER OWN clothes, bring in clothes sometimes. these is all the housework she ever does. and the rest cooking, mopping floor is dad do de. and my clothes i wash myself. dad's and brother's clothes use washing machine. and then everytime my aunt asks if i got help her with housework. mum don't wanna talk. then my aunt touch my hand and say it's so smooth, so i never do housework one loh. then everyone say i lazy. kao bei lah. my hands after doing housework still smooth you all jealous is it? jealous then go cry lah! cb. then that time mum was making dumplings. and i help her with the li zi. don't know what's that called in english. lols. make until both my hands so damn wrinkled. and my aunt said, my daughter got help me with it leh, how about yours? and my mother just went quiet. what the fuck loh. it's so irritating. after helping her so much, people thinks im just soooooooo lazy. call them go die lah. anyway, i also don't think that my hand is smooth loh. is they lame lah. stupid suckers. to hell you go, man. and that idiot is currently nagging and there's sort of alot of noise pollution, so being environmental-friendly, im logging off. thankx all IDIOTS.
i failed once again @ 9:25:00 pm
