Tuesday, July 26, 2005
hmm. today got history common test. not easy lahx. should know what i mean. lols. quite hard. then it was PE. played the table bat. lame game, mr lim's favourite anyway. then it was science. cool. mr elfie's chinese name is ma jun fei. hahas. funny. recess. then it was science back again. ooh. got back our common test results. yay! i got 37! so happy. hahas. so many of us got A1s. lols. we excelled man. lame. then it was chinese. bored to death. but he kept calling us mark stuffs. but i was slacking. call people help me mark then i at the corner there doing other homework. and what the heck lah.. i lost my composition. think so. damn it. i don't wanna redo. and i don't wanna see his stupid face. he sucks man. and i hate him. my hatred for him has gone yet another level deeper. everytime so suay, taking lunch then see him eat, wah lao, totally lose appetite. wanna puke. no IPW so went for lunch. then saw that fucking liang lu lohs. sian diaox. then i saw the dentist too. lols. lame -.- after lunch went back class, then the class guys very er xin. go attend art club. and dismiss at 2:15pm like that. wah lao, they shuang siah. then actually wanted skip cca then write excuse letter say sick or whatever. haix. then later no choice loh. haix. go there waste time. hahas. then go back home. then nothing much loh. hais.
anyway, now i feel like im starting to like music. i don't mean just simple things like listening to music or what. but i mean that im starting to sort of going into and explore the world of music. and it's like so cool. how i wish i can take up a music instrument. but then, i doubt i have the time to do so. i don't know how to spend time wisely. and im already secondary 2, like as if there's not much time. and then, i don't think my mother would ever allow. i feel so lousy. i can't pursue my dreams. from when i was in K1, i took up art. then i got the trophy for Merit while everyone else got only a little gift, probably cos mine was better, but then in the end, i had to give up half way in primary one because my mother didn't want me to continue. hais. then primary school i didn't join any cca. joined choir for a few weeks before they were entering SYF, then the teacher said im not that good yet, and i don't have to come for practices until after SYF, so i felt useless staying there, then i changed to badminton. but the coach said that we are already primary 6, we can't join and whatever crap. and then once again, i had to give all these up. now in secondary school. i don't know exactly what to do. actually i had always wanted to join badminton. but because it was last year and there was no 5 day work week, mum said i can't join badminton if it's on saturday. and i can't join. haix. it seems like i've broke alot of my dreams, i don't even have to courage to pursue my dreams. i hate this life. but it just gotta go on. now, although i've already lost my interest for art long ago, i really do hope i can join art club and quit film and video. i want to join a cca that does something, not like slack around on tuesdays and waste time, not that im saying film and video is bad. but i just don't like it. it's starting to get boring for me. hais. but my top priority would be to join badminton, yet, i know it can't be fulfilled. cos they have lots of trainings and you really gotta be a good player. but this year, the secondary ones all slack slack one. i think the club is like starting to slack. hais. i don't know anything. im starting to like guitar, but it's confusing. then anyway, i doubt my parents would ever allow me to have a guitar. hais. it seems like they interfere so much. not only these, but my mother also said that it's better for me to go to poly after secondary. she doesn't even give me to chance to select. hais. even entering this school was what she wanted for me. i had never wanted this school, i wanted fuhua. i just wonder what the future holds for me. perhaps nothing much. feel so depressed nowadays. life just isn't getting on well. i feel that everything around me has changed, a great change, and i can't adapt to it yet. and i have no idea what to do, except that liang lu played a big part in affecting my mood. i hate him.. don't understand why he always had to appear there, only if it was someone else..
i failed once again @ 8:27:00 pm
