Sunday, September 18, 2005
bored. left with maths and art. what the heck. 5 art tiles. guess that's gonna kill me. but probably ain't finishing it today. okay.. finally finished my home econs thing. hais.. family.. wonder just what it means to different people.. sometimes i just feel so damn lonely after school. i rather stay in school for revision and go home late than to go back to a quiet home without anyone, unless im in a foul mood and want time alone. sometimes, i feel like friends are better than my family. perhaps, i still don't know how to treasure them. and i can only always hate them for the things they do. ending up to ask myself why do these things have to happen? just can't the family live harmoniously? being the youngest in the family, it gives me no choice to make, i have no say in the family. even what i want to buy has to go through the agreement of the whole family.. sometimes, i just wonder what crap is this.. so now, it's great, i don't even have a pair of decent slippers. i've been wearing the last pair for like years.. and it spoilt. i had to wait till it spoilt that i could get a new one. and guess what? i can't even get a new pair. at that point of time, i was so frustrated. why is it that they can get things they want? because they are older? and im younger, so i don't have the privilege? i guess money is the root of all evil. now, even my father is working 7 days a week. means that i don't see him often. let alone talk. when he worked 6 days a week, we maybe talk like once every fortnight? now.. i don't know what will happen.. just to see him wake up at 4am this morning to work.. sometimes, i feel so sad.. wonder why they want to work so much.. and so this morning i stayed up till 3plus. and went into the room to rest for awhile. and then he had to wake up and work.. haix.. just don't understand. although i don't talk with my father, i feel that he cares for me.. much more than my mother.. i don't know why.. but i somehow sense it all the time he's around.. sometimes, i hope that i can receive birthday presents from my family. or even, a word of sincere encouragement is enough. but what i get from them everytime i show them my results, everytime i tell them my results, everytime i ask for their opinions.. my father says nothing.. and my mother.. she says it's so bad.. i really wish to prove her wrong.. i wanna do something she can be proud of.. i really want to do my best for the upcoming streaming.. i don't want her to look down on me.. i just hope i can improve my literature and english.. especially english.. im aiming for at least a B3.. i know it's really difficult to achieve, but i just wanna prove it to my mother. as for my father, i will just say im contented with the allowance i have per month.. i won't ever dream of having more allowance. and i never approach him for more money in the case of anything, not before, and also not after..
i failed once again @ 9:09:00 pm
