Thursday, October 20, 2005
hais~ somehow i have this feeling in me. that i`m someone with no dreams. well, i do have dreams. i`ve dreams to fulfil. but there`s this one stepping stone. you know, a major one - which i guess most people have - and that`s my mother. she`s always stopping me and preventing me from doing things. i just can`t get it right. it`s like as if.. everytime my father is around, she`s so good to me. and won`t scold me at all. when my father`s not around, she starts scolding me and threatening me. what the ....! i don`t know what grudge i bear with her in my past life. sometimes i don`t even feel like this is family. i can`t get anything from this. let`s not say about materialistic. i can`t even get the feeling of family warmth and comfort. the warmth i get is probably from anger.. lately, i just feel there`s alot of things bothering me. anyway, i`m used to it already. people who don`t spare a thought for others. people who agree blindly. people who keep irritating others. i just have to put up with it. i see no point. but that`s just for the sake of living on, hoping for a stupid miracle which won`t happen.
wonder when we`re gonna select our streams. i just ain`t looking forward to it. people who keep looking down on us. it just sucks. just b`cos it`s 2/5. but what`s the big deal? we`ve got people commenting on us. commenting on how bad we`re. saying we`re stupid, trouble-makers, noisy, notorious and so much more. it`s just so childish of them to have these thoughts. b`cos we`re last so we`re last. but sometimes, last is better. i mean, who would wanna die first. and anyway, the teachers should know this. that we`re not classed according to our T-scores. so please don`t look down on us. that`s just like another stepping stone. always praising people from 2/1 to 2/4 and when it comes to 2/5, it`s like, the class famous for chaos. everything`s so unfair. they`ve never spared a thought for us before. all they ever have is their childish thinking. it`s like as if we`re doomed.
just hope i won`t be streamed into last class. not b`cos of the fact it`s last. but it`s just very irritating. i just want others who`ve been looking down on us to feel how we felt. but somehow i guess i have a possibility of entering that class. unless i can manage to squeeze into triple-science. i just don`t know.
blahs~ now i got to go. `cos there`s this obstacle blocking my way. calling me to HELP bring in the clothes. like as if she`s helping in any way. have she ever helped? i`ve been keeping in the clothes everyday and hanging the load of clothes everytime. does she ever HELPS?
i failed once again @ 6:04:00 pm
