Friday, March 10, 2006
today got back progress report.
results were pretty much expected.
i`ve really done badly.
all the expectations of mine were real high.
2 A1, 5 A2, and only 1 B3 for english.
i know i underperformed.
but i`m not sad. instead i was all smiles.
the thing is that, if you keep thinking of your past failures, it`ll only add as a burden and a barrier for you to cross, so how are you gonna succeed?
the best way is to start again, all refreshed.
i haven`t done well this term.
but i`ll really try my best next term.
so far, i feel i`ve changed a bit, at least.
from always daydreaming in lessons or busy copying homework and not listening, i`m now trying to pay attention already. and i do not sleep at all. the times i`m daydreaming have been much much lesser, really. and the homework i`m copying is only half of the amount i used to be copying.
if i can achieve all these, i believe i really can improve.
i`m really willing to start anew.
and i`ve already changed my mindset about school.
but the only thing holding me back is motivation.
my mother! why does she need to compare?
i`m studying for my own good, not for her to use as a comparison.
but i`m really serious about this:
if you treat my studies all as your face and it`s something you use to compare with others, i`m prepared to fail all my tests with a F9 or might as well a 0. that`s really what i can`t tolerate. you can scold me, you can punish me. but i`m studying not for you to compare with others. and it`s only made worse by 2 cousins of the same age as me.
YES! i`m gonna start anew when term 2 begins.
i know i`m able to do it.
and even if i fail a test, i would be able to tell myself this:
i`ve given my all, yet i failed. but at least, i`ve tried. i`m already halfway there.
rather than this term, i`ve been telling myself this:
oh my god. i failed again, i should have studied for the test.
which makes no perfect sense at all.
i`m gonna be recharged.
it ain`t holidays.
to me, it`ll be a tough one.
i`ll go tough on myself.
but i won`t overdo it.
i need to stretch my limits and abilities.
i failed once again @ 10:21:00 pm
