Tuesday, August 22, 2006
CRAP! even my e maths common test result was just that bad. i just feel so pathetic. but to think i at least passed, i think it's not too bad considering the fact that i was very very sick the time i took the paper and it's just like i can't even think properly.
i agree totally with what mrs loh said today. 9 subjects are maybe too stressing. throughout this year, i've already been trying my best and struggling to hang in there. there had been umpteen times i wanted to give up -- the time when i had to find mr G repeatedly for days and days to spend hours with him to get the demand and supply curves application into my head, the time when i failed my physics mid-year examination, the time i got back my term 1 progress report, the time i stayed for night study to consult mdm quek right before physics mid-year examination, the times joanna always got way higher marks than me in every subject, the times i fail to get A1 for chinese, the time my physics common test marks changed from passed to just pass to fail, the times i had to stay up till after 1am to complete my assignment, the period i didn't get any sleep during the mid-year examination, the times i were indecisive whether integrity or marks were more important and i'm sure there were many other times. actually, everytime i wanna give up, i think of secondary 2, how my results were SO bad and how many positions i slipped in level, it was just too atrocious. i never have hopes of entering 3/2 at all, but somehow, i managed to squeeze in. i did consider dropping the 9th subject even before i attempted it, but i felt it was a stupid thing to do. now, i'm still hanging in there because i've chosen this path for my upper secondary years, i don't wanna succumb to pressure so easily, i've gone thru it and truly understands how negative it can be. in fact, i sorta think mrs loh rocked, for saying this. but she shouldn't have like told us to drop subjects, probably. holidays are approaching, end-of-years are coming. i just gotta give it my all, hoping i can pass english, hoping i can get thru this barrier.
yes, there`s geography class test tomorrow. 30 minutes for 30 mcq? it's kinda like difficult to concentrate, with a teacher doing stupid things to distract students taking the tests. but i really wanna get like high high marks for this. i'm really gonna study hard! and what the heck, i think putting books under the tables seriously isn't safe! know what? i didn't even know that my marianne chong guidebook was missing until priscy suddenly passed it to me today. oh, how conscious i am.
weird. i don't feel tired during lessons even when i've been turning in after 3am for the past 2 nights.
haix.. i think relations with my parents are getting worse. now, it's like my mother talk to me and i won't reply already. don't ask me why i don't reply. not like i act ignorant or act never hear her. it's like what for reply when it'll turn into quarrels everytime? last time, i used to talk back at least, now i'm sick of it. it's like pointless doing so because parents afterall, have the authority. they have the overall say, whatever that comes out of their mouth is correct, even if it's wrong factually. there's no point arguing because they've the authority to shout at you, scold at you whatever. it's unfair, and i'm tired of these... so, what for talk??? isn't worth my breath or saliva.
i was like so happy last night. was frantically searching for lower secondary letter writing notes because i left my english file in school. and besides finding a stack of english notes for summary, comprehension, letter writing, narrative essays & expository essays, i also found the WHOLE set of ms ker's secondary 2 history notes! it would have been better if i dug them out earlier, but nevermind. at least i discovered them.
i failed once again @ 5:09:00 pm
