Thursday, August 03, 2006
i`m really fed up with myself. but i just don`t wanna push myself too hard, i`m already breaking down. nowadays i don`t even have the time to come online at all. i`m online now for a valid reason but i feel cheated. yesterday, i fell asleep after dinner. then i went to my room and i lay straight on the bed. when i woke up, it was 12:15am. then i was so tired i continued sleeping until i realised it was already 5:50am. started rushing to pack my bag and bathe and do anything necessary. did a small portion of the homework and quickly rushed off for school at 7am. i`m like really trying to hang in there. just can`t help it. my eye rings are getting more and more obvious. but what can i do? the teachers are demanding so much from us. we`ve school, we`ve remedials, we`ve homework. do we ever get a break? like yes, next week 3 days holiday. but do you think it`s really gonna be holiday? right after that, we`ll have a history class test. and as if that`s the only thing. still gotta make all the things for art club. and obviously, there`s gonna be homework. how can we ever cope? breaks are no longer breaks. we no longer rest. we just work 24/7 like robots. even the word 'holiday' has lost its true meaning. we go to school even when we`re sick. what`s the point of living? just to let your life revolve round studies? we wake up early in the morning, when the sky is still dark, just to get to school. we get to school, we study for 7 hours. we get half an hour break. then we continue with another 2 hours. this is already a routine. our attention span is only 2 hours. but we have to study and sit still for 7 hours to listen to different people talking. currently, that`s the kind of life we`re all leading. after that basic 9 hours, everyone has different things to attend to. at the least, i suppose each one of us takes 2 hours to do homework and 2 hours to revise every night. by that time, it would already be 8:30pm. then add all the time you need to travel home from school, wash up, dinner etc. it would be at least 10pm, the sky is already dark. and it`s highly unlikely to get a minimum of 8 hours of sleep. that`s probably why people start falling sick. we`re all overworking ourselves.
sometimes, i feel students lead one of the worst lives. as what mr g has said, teachers are the ones who won`t ever take a break because even after work, they gotta plan lessons and assignments and whatever. but the thing is, they`re at least paid for what they`re doing. and from what mr g has said, most other jobs doesn`t require people to think about their work after knocking off. then how about students? do they seriously get holidays? what are school holidays? they do homework, go back to school for whatever purposes, revise etc. have they seriously got any life other than studying? stay till midnight, wake up so early. then somemore, we`re not paid at all, instead, we`re paying. is this all worth it?
okay.. i`m seriously stressed & PISSED. i just can`t come home to study, especially if my brother is around. everyday when my mother comes home, she`ll start calling me to do this and that if i`m around. then when my father come back, both of them will start talking loudly until after dinner. then, my mother will switch on the television to an extent such that people will think she`s deaf. also, she`ll be chatting on the phone as if the other party`s also deaf. then if my brother`s around, he`ll start disturbing me and i`ll just have to shout and shout at him even though my throat`s not in a good condition now. can you just imagine? with an environment like that, how the heck am i supposed to study or focus? somemore, ALL the teachers are just telling me to go home early to study. is life supposed to be all about studying? what`s the point? we`ll all die one day. who knows? it might just be tomorrow. and probably the cause was homework overload.
really really pissed. everyone has their own lives. you think you`re the only one who`s busy? frankly speaking, everyone else is. people who haven`t noticed this is most likely because they`re too self-centered. they only see they are the busy ones. they think others are free. it`s really irritating. using stupid things as excuses. no one can get away. you`ll just have to learn to adapt to it. you either adapt, or you fail. i despise people who has no responsibility at all. if you did it, just admit. why be scared? and get others into trouble as well.. the next thing i hate is people without integrity. you think it`s funny, you think it`s heroic, you think it`s cool, seriously, it`s STUPIDITY. i wish people who can`t and don`t want to adapt to lives a great failure later on! everyone is just affected by different things. it depends on the individual how they are managing their time.
for some reasons, i was in a super foul mood this morning. and these few days, i`m reaching school so late because i`ve been rushing homework in the morning! today, i was caught for not doing both history and a maths. and the reason was because i was rushing out that damn english GROUPwork. i was also damn unhappy with someone, but i made it a point not to think about it or go hate anyone, because it`s jolly well not worth my PRECIOUS time on them. and i really wish those SLACKers who don`t wanna do their work because it`s after 2pm and school has ended a great journey.
and i`m considering english tuition. well, actually i don`t really like this idea, but i think i may have to do so because latimer is not gonna be here for weeks and she has already mentioned that she won`t be able to go thru everything with us in time for the end-of-year examinations. and at the rate things are going, it doesn`t seem to be progressing at all.
doubt i`m gonna sell any of the carnival tickets. like who exactly can i sell it to anyway? my family`s out, they`re SO unsupportive people and anyway, they won`t be around at all. then my relatives are out too, those supportive ones are not gonna be in singapore. CRAP!
i failed once again @ 8:26:00 pm
