Thursday, September 14, 2006
don't know why...
i have to go to sleep feeling irritated, then i woke up feeling so good.
but, within half an hour, my mother comes irritating me and spoiling my day.
what a thing to do early in the morning! pissing me off...
don't make me leave home earlier just cos of you.
don't force me to lock my room everytime i'm inside.
why can't you just do your own stuffs... instead of shouting early in the morning?
and i myself am already damn fed up that i've got only a few hours of sleep each day, yet you still keep saying it to others right in front of me like as if i ain't got enough of that.
each normal day is separated into 2 parts:
(a) at school. fun time in class laughing, but there's time for some serious work too.
(b) at home. hell, no way i can concentrate because even when i shut my room door, i can hear my parents talking and the volume of the television.
don't tell me it's a relapse... my precious right hand! i think i sprained it again. last year once, this year again? exams are coming and i just gotta sprain it at the MOST appropriate time. ><
gosh, and there's still social studies retest tomorrow. i think i've temporarily lost my ability of writing fast. first, it was really sweaty palms. write only 1 to 2 paragraphs and my whole palm sweat, causing my pen and paper to be damp. now? ... ...
chemistry and physics common test on monday. =]
totally drained out even before the 1st week of term 4 ended.
i can't keep up with the pace, the momentum.
holiday homework incompleted; daily assignments not done.
and laughters' the way to keep me awake during lessons.
laugh all the troubles away.
it's easier to be happy.
i failed once again @ 5:39:00 pm
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
they weren't supposed to be substitutes, but then it was due to perception problems. now, it's like a temporary shelter, or rather, a rubbish chute. rubbish chute with things that no one wants, conditions that no one favours, it's all full of crap.
it all seemed like a bribery...
or betrayal, or just blackmail.
now, there's one thing holding me back. i think i can only say 'let nature take its own course'. what else can i do? term 3 physics practicals sucked like hell, they were major headaches for me. i have totally no clue how to go about doing them at all. in the end, i got like even better marks for semester 1 practicals. yes, ever since i made up my mind about dropping physics, now this thing is happening. what the heck?
life is like sin/cos graphs, full of ups & downs, or just bumps on the road.
i failed social studies. not exactly happy about it. =/
at least there's a second chance this friday.
hills of homework today. 1st priority, english! -.- never mess with her. LOL! haven't touched physics, not sure if i should do. haven't done chinese too. not interested to do combined humanities... but gonna try doing maths though.
afternoon remedials aren't successful at all, it's so evident.
totally fed up. not bothered talking at home. no one i can talk to at all. explains why i'm so silent in class. last time, i bothered to quarrel, now i don't even wanna waste my saliva.
SHE just said 'repeat sec 3 jiu chan la' cos i was USING the computer when she wanted to PLAY the computer games. i'm not one to be messed with, if i'm really irritated, i'll seriously 'repeat sec 3' then YOU know. specially cos of what you said. mind what you say. i think i'm still living in the early 1900s, no computer, schooling without e-learning. SHE doesn't believe i'm using online resources. all THEY ever think is 'play games lah'. THIS, i'm totally fed up. it's not like THEY are blind or deaf. NOW, if they are gonna irritate me by saying 'repeat sec 3 jiu chan la' non-stop... there are consequences for everything!
i failed once again @ 5:41:00 pm
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
why...
luckily, the problem's solved. or, at least.
chemistry lab was disastrous okay. no one broke anything. HAHA! record for our class? 3rd week gonna have SPA again. lab was kinda fun and funny too. -.-
gotta do the newspaper reviews to date cos she's calling for random check. another 1h of english wasted today.
holidays homework not done. =]
margaret loh made me run back to class just to get her adaptor for her. she's the only one who always make me run back or walk back to class and back to staffroom again everytime. not nice bumping into her outside staffroom.
nothing much happened other than those. no specific highlights, boring day! and how many times did g said 'here comes the interesting part' today? none was interesting at all, didn't understand what he was teaching.
enough.. end-of-year approaching.
i failed once again @ 5:26:00 pm
Monday, September 11, 2006
today woke up at like 7.20am, so good. HAHA! then took a quick bathe, ate 1 slice of butter cake, and went to school already. but reached quite late, so went assemble directly.
lessons were just so-so. i was doing maths and maths throughout curriculum time. chinese do maths, geography do maths, maths also do maths, common test is maths. what a mathematical day?
then desiree came up with a theory. she suddenly asked what will happen if i was left-handed, then we'll keep banging each others' hand when writing. then i was like saying my brother and mother are right-handed. and she said people who are left-handed uses their right brain, people who are right-handed uses their left brain. then she came up with this theory that people who are children of a left-handed and a right-handed parents will use 2 brains to think. and i realise i am a child with a left-handed and a right-handed parent. and during maths, she was saying like i'm smart because of her theory.
later during common test was like quite surprised. i was writing down my name on the papers then desiree suddenly hit me and i looked up immediately. then i saw ms liao in the class. don't know why we started laughing till the moment i told her she came to pass the remedial worksheet, she stopped laughing.
today stayed until 3.30pm just to be a guai kia. can't stand that freaking lianglu. make us stay back for so-called remedial, then he ownself go home. was like complaining to my mother and she said she won't complain to principal. GRR! it's like no one in our class would ever dare to complain, because afterall, he's our CM. tolerated him for 2 years, bet next year he's still gonna be CM. damn! exams are approaching, and all that he can ever do is to make us stay for 1h just to stupid a bloody storybook? and what's the difference between us reading at home and reading in school since in both scenarios, no one will be supervising us? seriously so crappy, make us stay back for minor things. 1 people talk during lesson whole class stay back, this year is stay back for 'remedial'. like we people could have gone home at 1pm, but just because of His Highness, we have to stay till 3.30pm before we can go back. lesson time don't teach us, still say stories... every alternate lesson make us self-study. hey MOE, why not implement 'teach nothing learn infinity'?
apart from all those daily happenings, i'm actually quite scared just because examinations are approaching. just found that i've more and more problems. chemistry, geography, economics, english, physics, maths. haix... really no idea what to do. i think i'm really giving up physics, already having enough problems with other subjects. but geography is no hope too, can't expect me to ask g cos i don't understand what the sounds that come out from his mouth mean. and my maths is so dead, as i was doing the past year's papers, i realised i've forgotten the presentation. oh whatever... exams! and thing is i haven't started revising. geography is the first paper other than languages, and i haven't got the content? think i'm not gonna learn plate tectonics, but then that means i have to go learn weathering on my own. more & more mugging. people have started and i'm still relaxing. can you believe it? and i only started my holiday homework like yesterday? haix... stressed out!
i failed once again @ 8:03:00 pm
Saturday, September 09, 2006
waiting aimlessly, for term 4 to start. and before we notice, the end-of-year examinations will have approached. what a nightmare! but of course, that ain't the worst. life still has much more to offer.
anyway, went to expo today with my brother, mother and aunt. i seriously hate crowds and queues. it was okay-okay. we went to foodfair together. ate and ate, it was like free lunch? after that, i went to the bookfair alone. to me, there was nothing much cos i only brought $5 along, nothing much i can buy with that. anyway, i have to save too! by the time we reached home, it was already 6plus. half a day gone... but at least, one of the really few times that i get to go out with an almost complete family. ALMOST...!
it's quite evident i've turned into such a slacker within a week. procrastinating is all that i've done. sleeping and yawning took up most of my holidays. that's another jingwei i've not met for long. ohwell... term 4's coming and i really wanna work hard to get the results i want. maybe i've too high expectations. but i want As! of course not for every subject though. i want A1 for chemistry, geography, economics and a maths. and i need A1 for chinese. i want B3 for e maths. i want at least B4 for combined humanities. i want at least C5 for english. no idea about physics cos i wanna focus on other subjects. me and my high expectations... but i'm sure i can do it. just gotta work doubly hard.
H-O-M-E-W-O-R-K???
oops! .....80% incompleted;
i failed once again @ 8:31:00 pm
Friday, September 08, 2006
finally, i can heave a sigh of relief because september 2006 holiday lessons and remedials are all over! imagine the happiness and not forgetting the weariness. i just woke up from a 15-hour sleep. and i hope i can say i'm really awake, that i won't yawn every few minutes anymore. now, i think it's only time that i start doing my homework, whatever it was for, to spoil the holiday mood. then after that, will i have time to revise? *looks at God*
however, i think my day will be spoilt. my mother is on leave! think she's probably gonna drag me somewhere then. but nevermind, i hope i'll be able to stay awake thru the night to do my work. i'm praying hard.
yesterday was kinda bad but overall, it was good cos that was the last day of holiday lessons! i only woke up at 8am in the morning because my smart mother didn't wake me up. and being the smartest one around, she decided to switch off my alarm even before it sounded. what a great help! luckily, i looked at the time and it was 8am. so i started rushing. making my bed, packing my bag, washing up whatever. and i went out late, so i met peifang late. ><
i've decided to buy a piglet for myself too, right after english orals! for the time being, i shall just resist the temptation. also, i'm looking for horoscope earrings. xP
nevermind, i shall go do up my economics notebook first. all thanks for not copying his notes during lessons. but of course, would you rather copy notes or play 'bingo'?
waiting for mum to come back with my breakfast. nothing in the house that's looking edible to me.
i failed once again @ 10:42:00 am
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
so tired now, not in the mood to do homework again. it's just like this everyday. morning go school till afternoon. by the time reach home, would be so damn tired and yawning non-stop.
well, i've been treating this crucial timeframe as holidays. i don't even care about the god damn homework, i don't even care the heck about revisions, the only thing i care about is to turn up for remedials. i know i should be studying but i somehow just can't. for now, i just wanna enjoy. but then i look around, many people are all rushing their homework and revising for end-of-year already. and yet, that doesn't bother me a single bit, because i'm not in the mood to. i thought holidays are breaks? but just ask around, what do people tell you? they say it's more stress, more workload, more remedials and worst thing is, it's worse than normal schooldays. for god's sake, look up a dictionary if you have no idea what's the definition of that word. it's like the chinese proverb “休息是为了走更长的路。” if you can't even take some time off to think and reflect and enjoy, you'll just break down. so that kinda explains why i'm taking a break at this crucial time period when everyone else is mugging. humans aren't robots. even if they are robots, robots will rust too. working oneself out definitely isn't the solution.
and yes, there's still damn maths and english remedials tomorrow. finally, no need to go back on friday. i'm like looking forward to friday, can wake up late and feeling totally refreshed. at least i hope nothing will spoil the day.
i failed once again @ 9:05:00 pm
Monday, September 04, 2006
still no progress of the holiday homework yet. seriously no mood to do them at all. i hope i'll be able to stay awake after midnight today to do, that's the best time for me.
tomorrow's practical is so early, so it means getting up early again. and i think i better leave home earlier. don't wanna be late.
GRR! 4th sept already, and yet i haven't receive my monthly allowance. i badly need money, very broke already. since last month, already surviving on previous savings. but no way will i ask for it from my father anyway. i think he just forgot, or maybe he wanna save. it's like that day he took out a stack of money, gave some to my mother, then never give me, do that right in front of me somemore! so dead, i'm waiting for my allowance so i can go Popular to stock up on my stationery. nevermind, i think i'll survive 1 month without allowance then. just gonna die! really short of money now. just hope the roof can return my claim by next CCA.
i hate e-mails. don't even know why i have an e-mail account, it's probably just for the sake of MSN. just so irritating that e-mails are no longer substitutes for snail mail, at least for my case. everytime i get an e-mail, it's probably some stupid advertisements, chain mails, dumb encoded mails or those sites register mail, all of which i'm seriously sick of.
and speaking of today's remedials, when latimer was talking about dramas in english literature, it suddenly brought back the memories of secondary 1, the dracula play. the only thing i can remember about it is that it was fun, but can't really remember all the details already. and i can't seem to find an entry in my blog which is about the play.
well. i looked thru my previous entries. i guess then i was still innocent and dumb, using those kinda really irritating singlish language. not that i don't use it now, but fewer. some of the posts were so funny that i couldn't stop laughing. like those times with 2/5... then last year, how they keep giving names to teachers and never failing to make me laugh during lessons, how they always did stupid actions, how we always commented on teachers. everything was so funny. then came the time 2/5 was gonna be split, and we took all those photos after streaming. those can only be memories! and i realised something too, which i think i must really change. that is, i always start off essays quite good, being on the track, then as each paragraph develops, all the ideas get mixed up and everything's just a total mess. now i know what's my weak point. shall try hard, and i shall attempt expository/argumentative essays in the future. HAHA!
i failed once again @ 8:41:00 pm
Saturday, September 02, 2006
i think i should just drop physics. maybe i will be able to divert all my attention to english then, no more worries for physics. i feel dumb, struggling so hard to hang on to these 2 subjects, but each time, i fall back harder, my heart sinks deeper. mrs loh is probably right, some people aren't meant to take 9 subjects. somehow, mdm quek is not the same as before, i can no longer consult her readily anymore. i cannot say that she's given up on me, but it's all my fault. both ways, it'll still hurt. if i continue taking physics, it's gonna be a struggle between both english & physics. it means devoting lots and lots of time to the 2 subjects, making sure i pass them and especially with latimer around, english has got to be a distinction or somewhere near there, far beyond my current abilities. but if i drop, yes i can heave a sigh of relief but i don't feel good at all. mdm quek has gone to so much troubles just to help me. when i failed my physics mid-year, it wasn't only sadness, but also i felt sorry to mdm quek. lianglu told me i failed physics, my mother told me i failed physics, and i was just sorry for mdm quek. i think i've disappointed her enough. seriously, i can't just go up to her one day and tell her that i've learnt nothing in term 3 and ask her to teach me again. it's not that i don't want to listen, i did pay attention in class, but everything makes no sense to me. in the first place, this class wasn't what i wanted. being 85th in level, it was off the spaces of the 1st 2 classes. besides that, i only scored 58 for english. my marks didn't satisfy for the requirements to enter this class, but somehow i ended up here. i didn't want physics or economics initially too! all along, i had wanted biology instead. but then, i came to this class and struggled with physics. then, i struggled with economics. and all along, i've been struggling with english. life wouldn't have been like that if i wasn't in this class. if i pass physics, it's always because of MCQ. i can really get atrocious marks for the other sections. even with solutions provided, i may not be able to understand it still. i really just have this urge to fail the physics end-of-year, since it's said to gonna be really tough, and be advised to drop it. there's no point for me to cling onto this 9th subject if i keep failing it. what's the point of taking 9 subjects if you are actually failing? besides that, i really gotta focus on english too.
i failed once again @ 6:56:00 pm
Friday, September 01, 2006
there are just so many unfairness and unhappiness in life.
yesterday was seriously boring. i have been looking forward to the day, like can finally meet my primary school friends after so long. but in the end, all my plans were just thwarted. jurongprimary is just so bad. they're so selfish, and destroyed all the excitement bottled in my fragile heart.
haven't show my parents the results slip yet. anyway, i doubt they'll even bother. i don't think she'll be happy i passed my english. she'll be complaining i failed physics. i hate the school system. why must it be like that? there's no point telling her anything. it's hard to convince her. 4 times in a school term, i'm sick of it all. no one understands. i don't wanna say anymore.
3 and a half more weeks to end-of-year examinations. 28 more days to the english papers, which shall decide whether i'll have a chance of being promoted. 27 more days to the chinese papers, which 'someone' wants me to get an A1 so badly for. i'll make sure i turn in early everyday and have sufficient revision. don't wanna have a repetition of the SA1 period, the worst time i ever had for any examinations.
gotta visit popular & replenish my supply of pens. cannot be lazy anymore, must remember to bring the members' card. everytime i go popular, i need to buy things but i'm lazy to buy just because i don't have the card with me. but yes, holidays coming, pens are running out of ink. in fact, i only have 2 pathetic pens to keep me going now.
there's CIP@JRL tomorrow. i think i'm gonna like it because it's air-conditioned. but i have totally no experience on shelving books before.
hoping to receive my allowance soon enough. i'm broke, been using my earlier savings cos that 'roof' is delaying the claim thing.
may the holidays be a meaningful one for me. hopefully!
i failed once again @ 1:56:00 pm
