Wednesday, November 01, 2006
today was 200% better than yesterday.
it's my mother's birthday today.
but hell, i had a really horrifying and terrible dream!
and i'm so scared it's gonna happen 1 day.
maybe i shall keep my mind occupied with the workload instead.
i still can't adapt to the lessons.
during geography, i was trying so hard just to pay attention & listen to what he was talking about. but then, i should say it was a failed attempt! during maths, it was slightly better but i still don't like the way she teaches. during physics, i was disturbed by people playing tic-tac-toe and bingo, but then, it was like we did that last time too...
maybe some people are still unaware and i don't wanna tell them. but i feel it's just a bit difficult. i myself haven't gotten entirely over this fact yet. i can't seem to think properly. i'm doing CARELESS & CARELESS all around because i can't concentrate. there's no one to joke with me anymore. there's no one to block me when i'm sms-ing anymore. i'm no longer confident of my work, i need the answers to check, and everytime, it's wrong! i hate this... but because it's reality, all of us need to accept it. it's not a choice, it's an order.
and yes, i'm down for english remedials again. if i had gotten another 1 mark, i would have been striked off the list but anyway, it's fine with me cos i'm aware of my english standard. HAHA! and it seems that i'm a very loyal english remedial student. since start of the year till now, the list of names have been altered like 3 or 4 times but everytime, i'm down for it. i don't wanna say it's bad luck or anything, cause i seriously don't want a 5 or 6 for my L1.
anyway, i looked thru my examination papers for certain subjects. i'm too lazy to be bothered with CH cos i'm never gonna use that for L1R5. and so long as CH is reflected as a C6, i'll be just glad. i looked thru the chemistry paper, then i realised she marked wrong, and i should have got 1 mark minus off. and i looked thru the geography paper 2. i realised the first 2 questions were rather okay. but the rivers question, i think i'm quite lucky to fail the question with that kinda marks because i looked through the answer scheme and realised i didn't understand the questions at all. and that bloody photo was so blur i mistaken it for a river cliff instead of a meander. i think i should be satisfied already. and for my last question, i attempted it even though i can't do the 7m part because i can't remember the factors and i don't know what's gonna happen if there was a dam. and also, for the 8m part, i had no clue what was expected of my answer. i didn't know how i should go answering it. LOL! think i should improve. and especially on paragraphing, i think mine is quite bad. and must remember how to answer 'compare & contrast' questions cos i keep leaving out the differences! and my physics MCQ was quite evident to show that i wasn't really interested in doing the paper at all. the first 20 MCQs, i got only 3 wrong. then come to the last 10, i have 7 wrong. HAHA! but actually, physics is not really difficult at all. especially the paper 2. i just gotta go re-learn all my basics because mdm quek isn't like ms liao. she doesn't hold remedials or give special attention to those people.
the worst thing was that i was having a damn headache for as long as the lessons lasted. i think i was trying too hard to concentrate. i think if this goes on, there's no point for me to go for the lessons anymore. i'm not even learning. maybe it's just another struggle for me... struggle to concentrate, struggle to understand, struggle to keep awake, struggle to learn...
for just once in my life, i feel that the lesson i love and want most is english!
that 1 week is past. i should return to my normal again, but it's lost somewhere. i'm trying hard to find it back...
i failed once again @ 5:41:00 pm
