Sunday, January 28, 2007
thanks xcouz & peifang for cheering me up yesterday! i couldnt have imagined another day of crying myself to sleep...
went to downtown east at like 9am yesterday, that was kinda crazy cos it was so early. but its for some SPD thing, so its fine. when she said downtown east, i was like so damn shocked. oh whatever... then mrs teo drove us to white sands shopping mall after that. only got home after 10pm yesterday after going to the library and dinner at JE.
when i got home, my parents were painting the house green. painted till 2am last night, and they got up early this morning to continue again until around 7pm then was it completed. but my room isnt painted yet. havent even choose the colour yet -.- im choosing orange, but im not very certain though.
the whole of today, i was doing productive things. like ironing my uniform, organizing my notes etc. and digging out some worksheets. wrote lots and lots of notes for hours continuously and my right hand is so damn tired now.
havent study for the test tomorrow. im just planning to look thru the skills later on, after i have finished my english vocabulary. need a few moments of rest before i get on with the work.
yay! tomorrow dont need report early for amaths lesson. HAHA.
ohwell, whatever... many people saw me with her on friday already. there it goes... even mslim saw. maybe its my fault. mslim said 'give me a chance to teach', but did anyone give the other one the chance to teach? people take advantage of her because she's not exactly fierce. people take 15minutes to move from the artroom to the class for her 30min lessons. but to mslim? its another type of attitude we give her. despite having 1 lesser period of chemistry and wasting 15 minutes each week, we didnt really lag behind for chemistry last year. but at the start this year, we are already lagging FAR behind. anyway, i think both of them can teach equally well, just that im already used to msliao. and there's a saying in chinese called 'yinshuisiyuan'. back then, if msliao didnt teach us chemistry, can we understand what the heck mslim is teaching now? the fact that we can understand what mslim is teaching now is because we have the foundation there. the fact that people fail tests is only because they dont study. if people thinks she's BIAS, tell her. imagine 10 years down the road, you work as a toilet cleaner. your colleagues are all 60plus already. then people complain to your company and have you fired because being young means being inexperienced even though you clean your own house toilets every week since years ago. if people dont give chances, how do others earn their experiences?
we should all appreciate & treasure everything around us.
we must yinshuisiyuan.
i failed once again @ 10:48:00 pm
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
bloody hell! whatever lah, im always the one at fault.
i dont care who the heck is reading this post, a blog is my personal space, i rant all i want. feelings are not meant to be bottled up. want to read, then read.. who cares? i cant even track down the readers. and this is accessible by everyone anyway.
shit lah! damn. whatever...
i switched on the computer with my hands when everyone else was busy with something else. but i walked away to get a paper and i came back, then people seemed to suddenly be free enough to come and play games on the computer. and i waited and waited. after some time, i asked if i could use now. then, it became a quarrel. and it didnt end just here. i was so fed up already. then another stupid person came to disturb me and i just gave nickname because i was so damn pissed off already. and what the heck? i was scolded just because i gave nickname to someone who was irritating me non-stop! fuck man. and after that, everyone started chattering among themselves. saying i dont know how to behave. just cos im the youngest in this family, its always like that. and someone came to use the computer when i was having dinner, within 1 minute, all my files are gone! crap shit! i cant stand it anymore man. a family that's like that... who wants it? tell me. i can donate to you. thanks alot for everything. so what if teachers think im hardworking? they say im only half-hearted in studying. they dont see how hard i struggle lah. in this whole house, every night i try to do homework, people come knocking on my door, barging into my room and disturbing me. yes, just cos im the youngest, so they think they can do anything they want to. im tired of all this. school life, as everyone knows, isnt easy. and i cant even do my work in peace. just cos the rest of them in this house doesnt have extra work to do at home after knocking off, they choose to do anything they like. watching tv, talking on the phone and everything else. and its damn bloody loud i cant concentrate. its all getting on my nerves. sometimes, i rather tell them i get F9s instead of A1s. simple reason. if i say A1, they just say its by luck, and they say you must be joking or whatever shit crap. and when i say F9, they wont have too much of a reaction. so i wont have to be bothered by them. see the difference? yes, im wrong for everything. i wonder why i was born to this world even.. its wrong! people around me wish me good luck and happy birthday, but thats not what i get in this house. i get nothing of this. and im glad i choose not to take part in the essay competition. even though im really interested in economics and that essay somehow has something to do with it, i rather not take part. not because i think its a burden and not because i dont have the time, but its because of all that i've been saying about. opportunities dont knock twice, but im no longer bothered by this. last year, she also came and asked me about crystal growing but i didnt want to. now, i kinda regret it, it would have been a fun experience. im just giving up whatever opportunities that i have, chemistry and economics, both my favourite subjects, but i dont seem to care. i cant even use my internet properly, and now, people are vying to use the computer. do you think i'll be able to do it? even last year, i had a hard time trying to 'fight' for the computer to do the stupid 72 hours test thing. and i stayed till 2plus to complete it. but who cares? im PLAYING computer games. see what i mean, when im using the computer, its 100% for playing games. when im in my room, its 100% sms-ing or talking on the phone. no one knows what im actually doing. so they dont see the effort i put in. im already facing some difficulties with differenciation but im hanging on, trying to get the hang of it. do they know? they dont know. they think A1s are so easy to get. i was disappointed with what i did for the amaths common test yesterday, but so what? its been done. i got my mind off it and studied for chemistry. but they dont know, they dont care. they talk on the phone like as if the other party is half-deaf and on the volume of the television loud enough for the neighbours to hear it even.
so bloody pissed. thanks for spoiling my day. but i think you all failed in your mission, bunch of irritating failures in the house.
i failed once again @ 8:02:00 pm
Monday, January 22, 2007
how could she? like that threaten me!
i said 'bye senior' but i think she only heard the 'bye'.
Damn! nevermind, there's still more chances.
well, today was like amaths day for our class.
we had 2 amaths lesson, amath common test & amath remedial.
besides amath, we only had MT lesson & remdial.
shucks! i screwed my amath common test.
if she's gonna mark according to cambridge, im dead.
what the heck lah. something's wrong with me.
i finished all the questions, but my pagings were not correct.
it was all over the place, oh whatever...
cleaned my room yesterday, and now my room is like neater.
there's way way way lesser things in my drawers & cupboards.
now, to study for chemistry class test tmr!
i failed once again @ 5:30:00 pm
how could she? like that threaten me!
i said 'bye senior' but i think she only heard the 'bye'.
Damn! nevermind, there's still more chances.
well, today was like amaths day for our class.
we had 2 amaths lesson, amath common test & amath remedial.
besides amath, we only had MT lesson & remdial.
shucks! i screwed my amath common test.
if she's gonna mark according to cambridge, im dead.
what the heck lah. something's wrong with me.
i finished all the questions, but my pagings were not correct.
it was all over the place, oh whatever...
cleaned my room yesterday, and now my room is like neater.
there's way way way lesser things in my drawers & cupboards.
now, to study for chemistry class test tmr!
i failed once again @ 5:30:00 pm
Sunday, January 21, 2007
i really feel like crying.
maybe its all pre-destined.
one after another, they're all leaving.
its all up to me, whether i want to remember them or just forget them.
i feel so lost.
why must it always be like that?
its been 2 weeks, nothing's improving.
i think its fate, we're not supposed to have met.
how many times has it happened?
im sick of it all... but what can i do?
whatever thats gonna happen, just let nature take its own course.
even if you go to a jc, i dont mind, its your dream.
i should be happy for you, even if it means we'll lose contact.
but is it really your dream? i dont know. i dont understand you well.
i have no choice, but to end the wait. the never-ending wait.
waiting for you is not a solution, i've wasted too much of my time.
that even if you'll eventually appear, my time lost is not worth it.
i can only cry, i feel so lost, so helpless.
but i wont forget all that memories we once shared.
at least crying is better.
i will emerge a stronger person after all those tears.
i failed once again @ 1:05:00 am
Friday, January 19, 2007
studycamp is over! and i feel great. cos its like we've never been dismissed at 12plus for so long already. oh yes, and monday gotta report to school by 730am for amaths lessons for our class. hopefully i wont be too forgetful.
reached home at around 2plus and that's already considered freaking early for me, so im enjoying today. ahh! but well, our plans were all thwarted. maybe tmr, we shall see how. =]
jan's not even ending yet & my allowance is gonna be used up soon, even though i dont buy much in school. i only remember buying a disc, foolscap pad, cake only. all the other money goes elsewhere. oh yeah! now i remember. but that's only a quarter of my allowance spent on that day, i wonder what happened to another three-quarters of my allowance. i still gotta get a present for my brother's 21st birthday hopefully. which means i gotta get my butt off the chair. apparently, i cant remember when he is celebrating his birthday too! it should either be 3 feb or 10 feb even though his birthday is exactly 1 week after valentines. so feb is like a month of celebrating for me. imagine every weekend, CNY and birthday celebrations.
i dont know why this morning, on the bus, i suddenly thought of all that has happened when i was younger. all the events and details of my life so far. all the people whom i've met and left. all the things i've achieved. people change, and we should always be ready to accept their new self. back then, if i werent given a chance, i wouldnt have been like this today. also, if no one had helped me and guided me along, i wouldnt have been like this today.
this weekend gotta finish alot of things!
2 english assessment books.
1 english report.
chemistry tys.
5 a maths worksheets.
1 chinese worksheet.
1 chemistry worksheet.
3 physics worksheet.
1 combined humanities worksheet.
plus...
economics project.
geography project.
CME project.
=] im not gonna moan & groan. sure can finish lah!
plus...
a maths common test.
nitrogen test.
sulphur test.
i can do it! haha.
i failed once again @ 3:02:00 pm
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
blah! my stupid internet connection is really pissing me off.
anyway, school's been okay the past 2 days. there's not really much homework.
im happy today. cos ms liao's reaction was so funny... and the sentence she said last saturday. cant believe she would wanna say this kinda bo liao thing. lalala~ found her today and we talked for short while only during lunch break. i like her!
received yearbook, not very nice.
sneaked out of artclub today. haha.
hmm.. actually wanted come online to do my chinese homework on that guy. but apparently, my stupid internet connection isnt working + i dont have microsoft office + my printer isnt plugged in. so i decided not to do, dont care about him. he has never scolded me before lah.
and that stupid econs research gonna be assessed. so shit! cos i cant even use internet properly & the stupid school that's bloody emphasising on use of IT apparently doesnt have any computers available to students yet. Damn!
my luck's been pretty down lately, whatever.
reached home so late yesterday & my whole block no lights. and its like this particular block only! somehow, the lifts were working so i was a bit lucky.
whatever.
anyway i felt so happy yesterday cos im happy about what i have done for the english common test. and also, i finished my a maths remedial worksheet before i left the class. so happy! haha. =]
i failed once again @ 8:47:00 pm
Sunday, January 07, 2007
looking forward to next saturday!
yay. i know which jc i wanna go already. JJC! haha. my mother also want me to go there too. and so, maybe i should go there. but what the teachers said make sense, its not about doing just well enough to be able to get in but its about doing well enough to have as many opportunities as possible. and JJC is so near too, probably the only nearest one to my house only. hopefully i can get into the college of my choice and also be able to do what i want to -- take H3 chem! im so gonna work hard to get what i want. actually, JJC also not too bad mah.. anyway, its never my hope to get into jc like nj, sa, ac, aj, hci, rj, vj. lalalalala! feels so great.
tmr got english common test. should go study for it, my narrative always very bad.
got tons of hmwk left. like physics tys, chemistry tys, english articles, resource bank, assessment books. so much! cos i let them all pile up.. i WILL finish 90% of them. cos english really too much. gotta visit popular some time soon to acquire notebook geography. i keep forgetting this anyway.
yay! this friday got a maths test on sets & matrices. again, i WILL study for it. last year this time, i was already satisfied with passing. but since sets & matrices are easy topics, must do well. haha.
i gotta re-find all my info for the econs research again. cos of my computer! someday, i gonna get a thumbdrive when i've saved up. and im gonna install the printer and install microsoft office and everything. blah! doing all these is boring.
back to doing hmwk. xD
i failed once again @ 1:41:00 pm
Thursday, January 04, 2007
yes.. xmas is over, 2007 is here, and im going through the starting of secondary 4 life. maybe im the emotional type, i've been holding back my tears during a few lessons already for different reasons.
been going on with really few food for yesterday & today. havent tried out the school canteen food yet. barely time for me to eat anyway. and i seriously dont have appetite. i ended up biting straws and chopsticks -.-
computer was down previously. and what the heck! i lost all my files once again. GREAT! it's just that irritating. my slides, research, photos, videos & many other stuffs. its CRAP!
late for ms lim's lesson today. well, im just really really damn busy okay. lesson time is just paying attention. recess & lunch time & after school hours are all sacrificed to get ready for open house. but i know its not a valid excuse to be late for lessons, so just let her scold. i have to be responsible.
not gonna say about genting trip. im seriously not free!
when saturday comes, everything's gonna be over & i'll hopefully have peace then.
i havent completed my holiday homework yet. and im gonna like spend my entire weekend doing & marking the assessments for english. Damn! i caused this for myself. & i havent done my resource bank. and there's still some more articles to be done.
and it's really like what the heck! mrs loh came in & told us we'll be the last batch under the first 3 months thing, & G came in and told us we're not under that batch. like if we dont know whatever's going on, how do we even know what we should be doing? sheer CRAP! the system's really really messy & i hate it!
really really gotta thank all the teachers that helped us to get that stuff done. been going home with body aching all around and the urge to sleep cos im really really tired! all the stuffs she made us do.
nothing much happened. school's been kinda weird.
ms liao's not teaching us anymore... frankly speaking, i was kinda sad when i first knew it that i wanted to cry. maybe it sounds stupid but its just me. i was sad for the entire day but then ms liao was actually the one who made my day like wayyy better for everything she done! she seriously rocks! and i must really really get the A1 for chemistry... i cant go on getting A2 for examinations because its below my standard.
wont be coming online really often. cos of the internet connection & every other thing. and because all my files are gone again!
kinda hating this building. our projector screen is slanted, so probably we'll have tilted heads so as to stand out from the rest of the school population. then our classes dont have the bell & teachers are dragging lessons. the classroom is kinda big and i cant really hear the teachers speaking. there's a 'clapping' class next block which is clapping & clapping for all i know.
and oh yes.. im like so so so in a dilemma. its like every or at least most english teachers keep advising us to do narrative & descriptive essays as general guideline. i really dont know what to do. its like those are not what im better at. during secondary 2, G commented that i should do argumentative & expository essays. and the first time i attempted an expository essay, i got marks that i were really satisfied with. whereas EOY i attempted narrative, i screwed it up & failed badly. i really dont know who to listen to... its kinda hard in this kinda situation. i should listen to myself...
and i think what it meant already! so yes.. im gonna improve on that.
it all concludes this post. this computer is kinda dysfunctional without all the programs & im lazy to install them again.. so whatever..
i failed once again @ 8:52:00 pm
