Tuesday, January 23, 2007
bloody hell! whatever lah, im always the one at fault.
i dont care who the heck is reading this post, a blog is my personal space, i rant all i want. feelings are not meant to be bottled up. want to read, then read.. who cares? i cant even track down the readers. and this is accessible by everyone anyway.
shit lah! damn. whatever...
i switched on the computer with my hands when everyone else was busy with something else. but i walked away to get a paper and i came back, then people seemed to suddenly be free enough to come and play games on the computer. and i waited and waited. after some time, i asked if i could use now. then, it became a quarrel. and it didnt end just here. i was so fed up already. then another stupid person came to disturb me and i just gave nickname because i was so damn pissed off already. and what the heck? i was scolded just because i gave nickname to someone who was irritating me non-stop! fuck man. and after that, everyone started chattering among themselves. saying i dont know how to behave. just cos im the youngest in this family, its always like that. and someone came to use the computer when i was having dinner, within 1 minute, all my files are gone! crap shit! i cant stand it anymore man. a family that's like that... who wants it? tell me. i can donate to you. thanks alot for everything. so what if teachers think im hardworking? they say im only half-hearted in studying. they dont see how hard i struggle lah. in this whole house, every night i try to do homework, people come knocking on my door, barging into my room and disturbing me. yes, just cos im the youngest, so they think they can do anything they want to. im tired of all this. school life, as everyone knows, isnt easy. and i cant even do my work in peace. just cos the rest of them in this house doesnt have extra work to do at home after knocking off, they choose to do anything they like. watching tv, talking on the phone and everything else. and its damn bloody loud i cant concentrate. its all getting on my nerves. sometimes, i rather tell them i get F9s instead of A1s. simple reason. if i say A1, they just say its by luck, and they say you must be joking or whatever shit crap. and when i say F9, they wont have too much of a reaction. so i wont have to be bothered by them. see the difference? yes, im wrong for everything. i wonder why i was born to this world even.. its wrong! people around me wish me good luck and happy birthday, but thats not what i get in this house. i get nothing of this. and im glad i choose not to take part in the essay competition. even though im really interested in economics and that essay somehow has something to do with it, i rather not take part. not because i think its a burden and not because i dont have the time, but its because of all that i've been saying about. opportunities dont knock twice, but im no longer bothered by this. last year, she also came and asked me about crystal growing but i didnt want to. now, i kinda regret it, it would have been a fun experience. im just giving up whatever opportunities that i have, chemistry and economics, both my favourite subjects, but i dont seem to care. i cant even use my internet properly, and now, people are vying to use the computer. do you think i'll be able to do it? even last year, i had a hard time trying to 'fight' for the computer to do the stupid 72 hours test thing. and i stayed till 2plus to complete it. but who cares? im PLAYING computer games. see what i mean, when im using the computer, its 100% for playing games. when im in my room, its 100% sms-ing or talking on the phone. no one knows what im actually doing. so they dont see the effort i put in. im already facing some difficulties with differenciation but im hanging on, trying to get the hang of it. do they know? they dont know. they think A1s are so easy to get. i was disappointed with what i did for the amaths common test yesterday, but so what? its been done. i got my mind off it and studied for chemistry. but they dont know, they dont care. they talk on the phone like as if the other party is half-deaf and on the volume of the television loud enough for the neighbours to hear it even.
so bloody pissed. thanks for spoiling my day. but i think you all failed in your mission, bunch of irritating failures in the house.
i failed once again @ 8:02:00 pm
