no definite answer

Friday, March 30, 2007

adam khoo is over!
so now, im a new person.
just being ready to get A1s.

and my dream is to work in labs!
not as those lab technicians in school though...

realised how important my parents are.
still remember last day of term 1 2006, my father told me "if you wanna study, study properly. do whatever you want, but do it to your best." that's really what motivated me!

haha! seriously... im quite touched the BOTH of them were present in the hall just now. i sms-ed my mother. then she called me during the camp, so i couldnt take calls. i felt another vibration for sms. well, anyway today, i was feeling lots of vibration -- someone should know why. xP so break time, i called my mother and asked her where she was. she was just 'alot tables, is it canteen?' and i just went down to find her. then i realised, she sent the sms. i think that was the first time the both of them came together in my entire life. just so happy! and next week, they'll be flying off... so fast. oh whatever, my life still goes on in singapore.

haiyo. told bigcouz how i remember the 'peter pan n keropi' thing using my own version. then she said its better to have my own phrase cos easier to remember. haha! would have talked to her for much longer if not for the fact that i actually asked for time to go down to return SQJ her book. and she didnt believe that i cried. TSK! this kind of bigcouz... keep diao-ing me. she say i very funny then she never laugh -.- then people ask, she say too funny till cannot laugh. she enlightened me! then asked her about chemical engineering and she told me now got more choices, can go NTU or NUS... hmm okay! i know her time maybe only got NUS so she jealous lah... oh yes! she say although her shirt not big, its not uncomfortable. and she actually remembered last friday lah.. memory still not bad lah. i think she's the type can remember things that happened long time ago, eg nicholas. and she was sick yesterday, if im not wrong. why? because she believes there's no need for sweater in staffroom no matter how hot(?) or how cold it is. then FLU. then wednesday left at like 1plus? thursday never come school. and the entire week, she was mostly wearing pink. and it was always very qiao! wednesday lunchtime saw her... today break then go toilet then saw her also. its just round shit. (yuan fen)

i failed once again @ 11:11:00 pm

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

guess how i remember the fractionating column?
Punctual
PettyNobodyKeropi (Lim)Desperately
LovesBoxers
xP created this twisted version during maths.

tomorrow is adam khoo workshop already!
report to school later, dismiss later...
finally got aircon. HAHA!
wonder how's it gonna be like.

i think SQJ is paranoid.
she probably keep thinking that i wanna find her.
can be seen from her actions..
today made her boyfriend wait for her for so long.
SQJ is SQJ. chatterbox is chatterbox, understand?

i failed geography common test!
got like 6 out of 25 for the SEQ.

think i should really really STUDY...
after being stressed up by the file check.
after performing way below my standards.
plus the fact that exam is less than 1 month away.

all my results this term so far are very bad.
got my first B4 for chinese.
then C5 for amath.
B3 for emath.
F9 for history.
D7 for geography.
maybe for people who get straight F9s, this is considered good.
but for me, its really about slacking & underperforming.
my results last year werent anywhere near this.
and all i could do is laugh during lessons.
kinda feel ashamed of myself... im just rotting away.

i've been laughing most lessons.
i never pay attention during any humanities subject lessons.
i sleep during any maths lesson.
i dream during any science lesson.
i pretend to pay attention during language lessons.

i would say, last year's results, were really a cause of being hardworking.
but this year, everything's gone...
i can still get last year's results even by enjoying and going out.
but im really doing too much of that to even study.
so im barely passing now.

there isnt much homework given for the weekend.
because the teachers want us to enjoy during adam khoo.
but it's really up to me if i wanna study at night.
the mid year exam will really show everything...
i can only make use of that so much time left now to destroy all evidence of slacking...

i really regret SLACKING!
no doubt its the easy way out, but its not practical.
rather, its DUMB.

once again, G admitted he hadnt done his best to teach us.
but just as the case last year, it was my laziness.
i really feel guilty. but definitely not guilty enough to make the change and stop slacking.
when i fail 1 more chemistry test or exam, maybe then, i will realise the pain & guilt of it.

i failed once again @ 5:50:00 pm

Monday, March 26, 2007

finally! cleared all my files.
with many work undone lah...
now, i feel less busy & less stress.

i shall really do my work on time from now on.
all so much for the snowballing pile i had to clear...

feel so much like a slacker.
reach home, watch tv, bathe, eat...
never do any work on most days.
that's why im lagging behind like mad!

this reminds me mid-year is coming in exactly 1 month!

latimer finally marked my essay today and she commented on the first page "make sure this is the last time you hand in work this late!" BLAH! its gonna leave such a bad impression. at least, "first & last time" sounds better. or at least, writing at the last page is better. and the least she could do is write in smaller font! hey... but she said its good effort nonetheless! xP anyway, though i probably fail my common test. HAHA!

our class was late for assembly as usual today. and rafeek asked me what lesson it was. i told him it was common test & he asked is it any subject? like DUH! he doesnt know what's common test? waded my way from the back all the way to the front and i saw her! she was squatting down, doing her favourite thing - TALKING (like a chatterbox) to her student. what a wonderful teacher. then secondary 2s had to stay back with their CM, so i walked pass her, without her knowing.

went to staffroom to find latimer during recess, as instructed. then at the stairs, saw HER at the study area. i was like "haiyo. dont want find her then will see her. want find her then she'll be busy." was walking slowly, and she was standing there dont know doing what. then some guy teacher asked the guy behind me what class he was from. so i turned back & saw the 2/7 guy. and she was at the study area looking in our direction giving that puzzled face. wahlao! she act blur... her class student and she dont know what class he from? -.- JOKER leh. think her class missing, the teacher said something like after chinese lesson, 2/7 dont know disappear where. HAIYO! this type of CM.. dont know where class is. unique! then find latimer and walked back. walked past HER and i tried to smile. and she suddenly went "hello jingwei" that i was so so so surprised i just quickly "hi" back. i really didnt expect her to say anything... we always so cold when we meet on the corridors. then at most i thought she would say "hi" but she said "hello" and said my name too! i was like :o! and she said so softly, but very cute. i think she said it because chatterbox needs to talk!!

yay! i unlocked all levels of the racing game on my phone today. most of which were unlocked in school. that's why im lagging so much behind. thanks to playing games when teachers dont come.

now, i feel that there's nothing wrong with me finding her. because anba is taking us for CME, and she's telling us about english all the time. plus she made us do the debate for her when she has an english class. so i see nothing wrong now. and tomorrow gonna be late for CCA. cos we gotta finish up the filming for the debate first! but she'll excuse us!

tomorrow 3/3 & 4/2 will have chemistry at the same time again. but i'll not be distracted!

didnt have time to complete a math common test today. lost over 10 marks already. whatever... and margaret told us kinematics is not tested, but it was tested!! what the heck!

i think soon, i'll become every teacher's favourite student if people cant stop saying these rubbish...

i failed once again @ 7:40:00 pm

Sunday, March 25, 2007

finally squeezed a tiny bit of time for me to use the computer...
been so so so busy with filing. and there's still more work to do.
im just taking a break now. from e maths. later will do a maths.
then wait for a maths day tomorrow, as usual...

i dreamt of bigcouz last night.
it was like as if our relationship was very close.
but in reality, we aren't that close.
she's really really so good to me.
am i really ready to get that A1 for chemistry midyear?
am i up to it yet?

received our midyear exam schedule.
its only 1 month & 1 day away.
and there's a whole bunch of things to handle right now.
i cant wait to step down from artclub!
im hoping it's not compulsory for secondary 4s to go x-country.
yes, because there's loads of things to do, really.
at least last year was after MYE, this year is before MYE...
and my parents will be away from 5 april till 9 april.

economics project is scheduled for submission on 2nd april.
which is like next next week. there's NO TIME to do it this week.
assuming the fatigue will be overwhelming from adam khoo each day.
so im only left with the weekends. we arent even meeting for discussions.
and i dont have a printer to print out any info that i can find too.

there's also not much time to design the logo for that stupid competition.
almost every weekday is booked.
i used to reach home at like 6plus or 7pm each day last night, but i at least have the time to complete most of my homework in school. this year is totally different. i reach home at 5plus or 6pm each day right after school dismisses, without any work being done yet.

yesterday was so busy too.
went to JRL to do homework in the morning till evening.
then went to IMM to look for printer & for dinner.
only got to reach home at like 9pm.
by that time, i was already tired from being out the entire day.

i still have a math trigo differentiation worksheet to do, e math transformation worksheet, 3 physics worksheet. and my stupid irritating mother is nagging at me to iron my school uniform since afternoon. WHATEVER! i need to do my school work, unless she un-enrols me.

i pledge i WILL strain my ear to hear what ms lim is teaching from the next lesson onwards. she's so bloody pissing me off. what the heck? at least i bothered to raise my hand to ask her what question she's at, and the most she could do was to give an irritated face and answer me in that tone? it isnt like i dont wanna hear, but its that i CANT hear. there's a difference. and obviously, she doesnt understand it. since the beginning of this year, im always the first to hand in her TYS work. its only because of my interest. but now, i dont care anymore. i asked myself whether is it i choose to pretend not to be able to hear or is it that i really cant listen. the fact is, its the latter. i really can say this from the bottom of my heart that this is true. it isnt anything against my conscience. i have nothing to fear at all. i shall see how the subsequent lessons proceed. i will take one final test to see if it's just problem with her attitude or she did it unintentionally. she's done that thrice, if she does that another time, i will STOP asking her anything anymore.

i failed once again @ 5:18:00 pm

Thursday, March 22, 2007

i seriously hate her!
she's picking on me lah.
for no particular reason.

great! im like finding all the unnecesary attention from teachers for myself.

stupid kokila. said she doesnt have my worksheet when i was the 1st or 2nd person to hand it in & she wanted me to redo it. bloody hell! what the heck is she. just a teacher lah. i dont care. i just wrote missing on the file. got alot of missing on my SS file, but i dont care. principal call then call lor. like i care lah. CH is just a stupid waste of my time. whatever work i do for her, i get marks like 2 to 4 out of 12 or 13. and she has never told me or pointed out why is it that i always get that marks too. she seriously got something against me lah. purposely made me arrange the files for her. then forced me to join the stupid competition. bloody hell lah! i hate joining competitions lor. if not why did i reject ms liao and mr g when they asked me to join? and that idiot wants the work to be submitted to her like 2 months plus before the submission date most probably so that she has so much time to scrutinize every single detail of the work. she's bloody pissing me off. forced me to take part in competition & she didnt want to tell me to meet her, she made someone pass the message to me so that i sacrifice my recess to go find her highness. and know what? stupid 138 teachers just cant pick up the phone lah. i called very long before someone finally picked it up and kokila was actually in the staffroom. then she told me to find her after school. what the heck! she's wasting my time & making fun of me lah. want to see me and make me run here run there. not funny lah! its she wanna see me, not i wanna see her. damn it! then after school went to find her & she made me wait super long for her highness. i bet she went into the staffroom to chat with the teachers lah. whatever! wasted my time and i forgo lunch. the whole of english remedial i was starving. bloody hell! then she was so rude. just shoved the paper to me and told me to read it myself. wahlao! cant even explain at all. thanks lor! then english remedial i got scolded by latimer for not doing her work unintentionally because i was dreaming and didnt know such a piece of work existed. and great, i have to submit it to her tomorrow morning the first thing i reach school and i have to get some innocent teacher to be the messenger to leave it on her table. i understand that this is my fault. but when doing english remedial summary, i was damn hungry lah. starve until stomach pain already. and its all bloody kokila's fault. all i ate was like 1 packet of biscuits for recess, 2 sweets in between lesson and 1 bread for breakfast to last me till 530pm when i reached home and cooked maggi mee for myself to eat. all the teachers are pissing me off lah. i told ms lim i couldnt hear her today and asked if she could speak louder and she was so straightforward and said 'NO! i cant.' thanks lor! she claims that she has a throat problem. its not her fault lah, but why is it that mrs loh has throat problem and i can hear her but i cant hear ms lim? because ms lim doesnt wanna use her mic. bloody hell! and im missing out on all that she's saying because she has that bloody throat problem. im damn irritated by all of them lah. i seriously cant hear her and all she says is that she has a throat problem. at least she can not be that straightforward or perhaps say that she will use a mic next time. but know what? i told her and she went to talk about her school story that she was scared of sitting at the back cos of this reason. so she's just indirectly blaming me for sitting at the back lah! whatever. its not my choice can. next time i ask her whether she can write bigger, i bet she's going to say 'NO! i cant. my hand is very small cos i cannot write bigger.' whatever lah. shit lor. its a stupid excuse can. scold people scold so loud. teach then teach softer. i dont know what shes up to lah. im not gonna do her piece of ws 6 lor. because im serious about not being able to hear her speak. and i was like the 1st person to hand in my file yesterday and today she brought it back and gave it back to me for more filing. and know what? my file came back wet to me. whatever! she's just so bloody irritating. all the teachers are like making me mad now. im like being observed by most teachers already. whatever! im just seriously bloody fed up with ms lim and ms kokila. piss me off only. and somemore, still have their lessons tomorrow. good!

ever since school reopened, all these bloody problems are coming to me. sucks lah. like what? everything my fault. i know im slacking during many lessons but there are lessons which i really pay attention okay. get at me lah. whatever! i bet they're all like getting at me cos im talking during their lessons. but heck, what's wrong with it man?

i bet tomorrow when i go find ms liao, ms lim will see it and im gonna like create more trouble for myself lah. whatever lor! i really give up already. all these teachers are making my blood boil. its so freaky irritating. getting on my nerves. im failing almost all that i could lah. and im seriously underperforming with my first ever B4 in my entire life for chinese and that bloody C5 for a maths which i've not been in contact with since term 1 2006. whatever lor. and the teachers just cant gimme a break. all of them are getting at me. i tell you one day when im seriously fed up with everything and especially if ms lim cant speak louder, i'll just sit at the teachers' table during her lesson. i PAY school fees not to learn lip-reading.

im in a totally foul mood yesterday because of some bloody irritating stuffs. and obviously, things didnt get any better today. i suppose this chain of bad luck is gonna follow me till tomorrow. whatever! i need some peace right now before i continue doing my work for latimer which is due to my fault. and the stupid SBQ for kokila. and chemistry, geography, economics file all tomorrow. english file by monday. i cant remember what the heck she said about maths files or did she even say it in the first place?

im really entertaining shit now. gritting my teeth for everything that happens. im just bloody pissed off with all the stuffs lah. it all seems to be my fault. and there's still the stupid econs project to do when my internet isnt working properly. plus i have to photostat economics articles when my printer is spoilt. whatever, im just not gonna photostat, just submit the original copies. whatever, it's not my fault right?

and i bet im gonna fail english also. i tell you im failing all that i can this term lah. that bloody compre is so damn difficult. i know i fail and that's it. i probably get a single digit score even. and the chinese mock exam is like stupid. i have nothing to write about and whatever. perhaps i'll get my 2nd B4 for chinese in my life or get my first C5 for chinese in my life.

and i think x-country is like compulsory for sec4s. i dont know yet. it seems to be compulsory, if not peter lim would not be dumb to tell us the information. even though i seriously wish its optional for sec4s. plus we dont even know where the heck is turf city lah. whatever! the stupid school is making us go to all the weird places these year lor. thanks lah! cant they just let the sec4s off? we wanna study in peace for our o levels. first its the level camp, then the half day off, then the CNY holidays, then the games day, then its gonna be adam khoo, then x-country next. and with all these stupid events interfering, they're expecting us to make css express band 1! bloody hell. just for the sake of band 1, we have to put up with the school's nonsense of going back even on saturdays. what's the point of 5 day work week? so that you can work OT on saturdays and get paid extra? WOW! they can just let the sec4s off right?

and our exam area will be so strategic and conducive lah. i dont even know why the school stupidly choose that area there. imagine the other students will be directly above us, directly opposite us, and when their paper ends, they'll just cheer and we'll hear everything clearly in the midst of doing our papers. good lor! and during O levels, the sec3 classes above will be going back for their 3 weeks lesson and while we are doing our papers, we'll hear the teachers teaching and probably get our answers from the teachers too right? thanks lor! such great ideas the school have.

and our class bloody projector still isnt working so every lesson we'll have to be damn old-fashioned and use whiteboard and boring lessons whatever. and teachers who survives on projectors for a living, we'll have to move to AV room 2 and forgo our 10minutes break. whatever! its been like months already. new school somemore. and so it happens the projector screen in our class is installed crooked. such good facilities for the top 2 classes which are supposed to be producing pupils with 9a1s. what???? you're treating us like shit and u want us to do that? wait longer. dream on!

i failed once again @ 6:30:00 pm

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

haix. im feeling so troubled now.
i dont understand chemistry lesson today.
but the whole point is not just about not understanding, its that i cant hear ms lim teaching at all. and its not like i dont wanna tell her. she'll just go "buy me a mic then" or "who call you choose to sit at the back?" i really tried to listen in her lessons but i hear nothing. even when writing on the board, she writes so small and blames us for sitting at the back and complaining about not being able to see it properly. like what can i do about her? she's just my teacher. and especially when mine is a window seat, i hear people running, people from other classes running and other teachers shouting instead of hearing her teaching.

HAI.
after friday, i regained abit of confidence in my chemistry. but its just not like last year anymore. im not expecting A1s anymore. i would be just so happy with getting B3s, while i was struggling so hard to get an A1 for examinations last year. everything is different. i no longer devote so much time on that subject anymore. its not because im busy or have no time, but its just that i've lost the passion. chemistry no longer interests me. and its not that i hate it because i cant get the facts right. rather, its because im forced to memorise chunks of answers which i dont understand.

i still dont know what i did today was right. running up to tell ms liao that i couldnt understand chemistry. it seemed so selfish of me. calling her "ms liao" sounds alien to me now. she's so good to me, she's expecting that A1 from me, but i really dont know. im not so certain about the A1. i only know that i wanna understand and not memorise.

tried to find ms lim after school today. but its just that i couldnt find her. i think she is warning us. she obviously knows that we are laughing at her and not asking each other about chemistry. i really dont know. its so difficult.

the easiest solution is to escape. i can just drop chemistry so that i wont have all these problems that keeps surfacing one after another has been solved. but i cant do that, i wont be able to face her. she has really helped me so much.

at the most, i'll just ask for deadline extension for the current worksheet and go find ms liao on either thursday or friday. im already desperate. just THAT desperate. while i was struggling for A1 for examinations last year, im struggling to just understand chemistry now. she told me to read the textbook before finding her, but its like the textbook is wrong at that part. what a coincidence! but am i supposed to do that? its like im finding ms liao because i do not understand ms lim's lessons, or rather i cant hear. whatever but it sounds kinda wrong.

im just soooooooo troubled over all these stupid matters. sleeping seems to be the only way to forget them all temporarily. and that is the cause of me lagging behind in lessons.

i failed once again @ 7:09:00 pm

Sunday, March 18, 2007

http://www.np.edu.sg/lsct/ce/biochem.html
http://www.sp.edu.sg/SPweb/appmanager/home/default?_nfpb=true&linkNode=/BEA%20Repository/FutureStudent/Courses/ChemicalLifeSciences/FullTime/DiplomaInChemicalEngineering/WhatYouWillStudy&T17000899711148607296532_actionOverride=/cmsTools/extension/content/main/link&_windowLabel=T17000899711148607296532&_pageLabel=SP_ABT_C_FTD_CLS_CE
if i go poly, these will be my dream courses.
the COP is 15 and 14 points respectively, at least for this year.

but actually, im still not sure whether to go JC or poly.
if i go JC, i can take the subjects i love but the lectures will be boring.
if i go poly, i can only go for chemistry and there will be hands-on, so more fun than in JC, but at the expense of giving up economics.
its like really a choice stuck between my passion.
i have a stronger passion for chemistry than for economics.
i dont see myself working in the field of anything much to do with economics, but its just the passion.

but the fees for poly isnt exactly cheap. plus its 3 years. and my parents have to provide for my brother going private U. so i really dont know. if i go JC, at least can use edusave and stuff to pay school fees & its not a bomb like poly fees which are like 2000plus per year, for 3 years, which will be 7000plus. i'll really have to study hard & make sure the money's worth my education especially when my brother will be going private U for 2 or 3 years and his fees are 7000plus per year. so im quite at a loss.

and at least, if i go JC, i use still enjoy concession privileges & probably cheaper than poly food. the thing about poly is that no uniform, so i wont have to buy them. then maybe also no expensive textbooks to buy. but actually, its quite worth it afterall. now that i think of all these. cos A levels will be expensive, but of course cheaper than the poly fees i suppose. then besides that, pay 2000plus for 3 years for poly, then if you happen to go U, its only 2 years whereas for JC, its 3 years in U, then the fees add up will be around the same. the only thing is that only 1 in 10 poly students can go U. by 2009, it will be raised to 15%. so have to work extra hard there. plus poly there's like hands-on & attachment, all the fun things. (Okay. I think I sound so interested in poly now.)

chemistry just rocks!
especially with ms liao. [haha!]

i failed once again @ 4:04:00 pm

i failed once again @ 2:10:00 pm

Monday, March 12, 2007

so afterall, today wasnt too bad.
somehow, english remedial ended at 230pm instead of 415pm.
& she cancelled wednesday's remedial too.
this means that we wont have to go back everyday!
you know... like finally? OMG.

and spent my time well in school today.
at least i understood what was going on in amath.
the rare times i actually paid attention.
amaths class test results really disappointing.
but so what, that's like a thing of the past!

then at least i did some work during the break!

looking forward to wednesday!
lets pray it wont rain on that day.
xP i think that's the only 1 day i can enjoy myself in the 9 days of holidays.

another long day of lessons will be on thursday.
again, from early morning till evening.

i failed once again @ 7:45:00 pm

Sunday, March 11, 2007

i hate memorising answers for chemistry!

her method of teaching chemistry is so SMART lah...

not that i hate her, but i dont think chemistry is a humanity subject.

i read the popclub member's magazine article. it said "Teaching the man how to fish is more important than giving the man fish." once you give the man fish, he will automatically look for you for fish next time. the man will lose his independence. the man will lose his skill of fishing. the man will never learn from then on...

i dont like her spoonfeeding us with lots of answers to her so-called typical o level questions. i lost the skill of phrasing answers. even if i fail because i cant phrase, its better than reproducing something which i dont know.

i dont see what's the point of her giving us mindmaps & making us copy too. thats her OWN mindmap. she give us, we may not understand. plus copying her mindmap blindly, our brain doesnt even think why she has done it that way.

'thanks ar' xcouz, for helping me yesterday!

i failed once again @ 2:12:00 pm

Friday, March 09, 2007

having headache now... its freaking irritating.

but no way that's gonna spoil my mood.

today was games day. and i seriously enjoyed myself. a million times better than classroom lessons. in fact, i thought it was a really good ending to term 1! good start & good ending... was a floorball player. we only managed to come in fourth. but it doesnt matter too much, cos when i was playing, i wasnt thinking about winnning, i just played and enjoyed myself. there was no stress at all, even though at the end, i was the one who let the ball go into the goal during penalty shot and thus letting off the 3rd place to 4/6. but at least i tried defending quite a few times already. and i think our team most pathetic. we dont even have any reserves. HA! fell while playing the game. cos somehow, people were attacking my leg instead of the ball.
was quite surprised with the cheers actually. cos initially, we were really lacking cheers & the team was seeking help from our classmates. but within less than 2 hours, a wonderful cheer just came out & the choreography was very good.

though we are like worst class in academics, and we didnt get a single prize for games day, i dont think it matters at all. we've tried our best already lah. seeing our chemistry common test results, it was really a huge improvement! though physics & geography kinda disappointing. as long as we know it, i think its fine. i rather we all study because we want it for ourselves, and not study for the sake of filling up the log card. its more meaningful to live that way.

went library after games day ended. kinda surprised can squeeze up the 1st 66 that came. LOL! then i finally bought my long ruler... which i've been lacking for months. was so hungry then i ordered my food at LJS and waited for the waitress to serve me at my table cos it wasnt ready yet. apparently she FORGOT & i had to wait again... so i ended up waiting for maybe 20 to 30 minutes? really starving already lor. went library and i did half of emath paper 1 2006 before going to JP. walked around looking for stuffs for approximately 1 hour before going home finally. actually wanted go dinner together but then no appetite.

came back home & everyone was blaming me for waking up early today. wahlao! they have alarm clock, dont want rely on it, rely on me, then blame me for making them wake up so early. typical singaporean style man. monkey see, monkey do, dont even know what's happening. Tsk!

realise my remarks rhyme.
She is a quiet student in class.
She tries her best in everything she does.

term 1 results aside. good or bad, just forget about it. gotta move on to term 2 soon. and mid-years, and MT O levels, then english prelims!

so fun;
xD

i failed once again @ 8:55:00 pm

Thursday, March 08, 2007

got back term 1 progress report today already. results are still okay... could have gotten 2 more 1s for both maths if i wasnt lazy, but that doesnt matter anymore. L1R5 was not bad too... getting closer to single digit. xD but of course, if not for my laziness, i would have achieved it already. failed CH, as expected, with E8. its like a norm for me on my results slip already. my remarks are still positive stuffs. though piriya seriously thinks im totally the opposite of my remarks. oh, just sad she isnt the teacher.

our class did really bad. LOL! somehow, was expecting teachers to come in and rant. however, none did. they probably realised the time wasted on scolding or probably wanna give us a break or probably is giving up on us. didnt think too much about what lianglu said yesterday about our class results... thought it was the norm, until this morning i realise how terrible it was. lessons were super weird today. sooo damn quiet & scary lah. i didnt even dare to talk to anyone for fear of spoiling that silence.

remedial slots during holidays is really BAD! i think our class is one of the class that's most heavily tied down by remedials. monday is like 7.30am to 9am for amath, then 1.15pm to 4.15pm for english. no idea what to do in that 4 hours... tuesday is 7.30am to 9.30am for chemistry, then 10am to 12pm for mother tongue. wednesday is 9.30am to 11.30am for english. thursday is 8.30am to 2pm for english, then 4.30pm to 4.50pm for economics project consultation. no idea what to do for that 2 and a half hours too... friday is 12.30pm to 2.30pm for english. school holidays? dream on! not even 1 day of no schooling lah. so much for our poor results. HAHA!
& the worst thing is that we may have to come back on saturdays when school reopens for geography lessons. so much for being in triple humanities. speaking of that, think next term IHP is geography! but then need go for physics remedial already... blah!

homework pile, however, should still be quite okay compared to other classes, i believe. e maths & amaths is standard through level. chemistry is same as 4/3. then there's 2 history worksheet on mao and maths tys written work. so, it isnt too much. however, being lazy, my other homework is piling up.. including amath textbook written work and physics tys. then english gotta do the essay outline, 1 per student. mother tongue i believe he will only give during remedial lessons. no work for physics, economics & geography. xP

tomorrow is games day! kinda like looking forward though i dont know how to go that place, hopefully i dont get lost anywhere in the universe. im in floorball, though i almost slid down yesterday while playing it due to the stupid puddle of water there.

thought the workers were gonna cut down the tree, but they started cutting only after english remedial. was like so noisy and taking ever so long, so i decided to leave & make my time more productive rather than standing in class to watch a dead tree topple over because i dont see myself in such professions in the future, or any profession near that field.

im considering JJC... LOL! if only the facilities are not so jialat, i wouldnt be wondering about where to go..

geography results isnt pleasing. should be getting stuffs like A1 but i got C6. but well, just get on. dont wanna stress myself too much. moreover, its the first human geography assignment we did. doesnt sound too convincing to be an excuse though, anyway.

i failed once again @ 7:43:00 pm

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

this week rocks! only 1 test!
xP

been sort of like cursing the whole day.

stupid ms lim! she made me do the working for that whole question to ask me how i got the answer. Tsk! it shows that she doesnt trust me. what's wrong with me knowing the answer... irritating freak. and because of that, i spent an hour or so doing nothing waiting for the queue to get shorter, but apparently, it never did! pisses me off, Damn!

i like AV room 2. prays & hopes our class projector wont ever be in working condition. i dont mind going to AV room 2 for lessons. =]

lianglu told us our term 1 progress report not very pleasing. LOL, i think he should have saved his saliva. its not like we dont know. majority failed at least 1 subject, and some failed more than 1 subject. i belong to the majority. and the bloody subject i failed is CH, its not like those subject that you can drop... so i bloody have to make myself suffer by failing CH. he says our geography is not very good, but i wonder since when has it ever been good. our MSG for the class test is appalling, i would say. triple humanities class getting 6.88 for geography, haha! still remember last year he did apologise to us once because we got something like 6.23 for geography common test and he felt it was entirely his fault. LOL!

games day coming.
so is the march holidays.
booked for the entire week already.
full of english, mother tongue & amaths lessons.
and we're still waiting for confirmation of physics, chemistry and geography slots.
im so fortunate not to be those who have countless CCA meetings.

fell asleep during assembly today.
and the stupid spotcheck.
the teachers are all too concerned with that socks issue.
he was looking only at my socks and ignored the bigger picture, my 80% grey shoes.
thanks alot for letting me get away with it!

i failed once again @ 5:31:00 pm

Sunday, March 04, 2007

i somehow think that what i did isnt really right.
and its bothering me...
im like so scared of her now.

there's a million things in my mind.

and i suppose majority of the students dont know how to get to that stupid moe place for games day too!

its 10pm already.
& i havent go revise emath test.
neither have i done homework.

my health's been controlling me.
im sneezing so often nowadays compared to last year.
might be due to my poor eating habits.
i rarely take full meals now...
even dinner, i only have the appetite to eat like 1 egg.
just dont feel like eating.

i keep thinking that O levels is still a long way to go.
as if to deceive myself. or just to comfort myself.
i try not to think about post-secondary options.
but as unavoidable an issue as it is, people do ask.

realise im listening to radio late night again.
back to the old habits.
just trying to soothe myself.

i have an uncertain future.
i dont specialise in anything.

sometimes, i feel like i've lost interest in school.
& that explains the poor performance.
since school started, i've felt that way many times.
i feel left out, i feel alone, i feel i belong nowhere.
there are days i ponder about where to go after school.

just to forget the troubles temporarily, i laugh them away during lessons.
there are adverse consequences to it.
i may be present in class, but my soul isnt there at all.
feeling very bad.

i remember mr G once said "the key to do well for economics is to be present in class. it doesnt mean just sitting in class, it means that your soul is in the class." i think it applies to all subjects. if you have no heart in something, of course you'll not do well. it sorta makes sense. maybe this shall be my motivation to work hard.

i feel guilty to be slacking right now.

i failed once again @ 9:59:00 pm

Friday, March 02, 2007

this week seemed to pass so quickly.
tomorrow is chalet already, and CNY will be over on sunday!

quite disappointed with myself currently.
my standard is dropping low & im letting it be.

i reflected last night. what i once thought was funny made me realise that it actually isnt. my chemistry work didnt use to be a piece of junk or mess. initially, i laughed at my mistakes. but i didnt learn. its really not funny. its ridiculous. i really must do well for it. it wasnt just a mistake, it actually led to many more mistakes. dont know what im doing, and no one knows what im doing too. its a shame! i cant disappoint her. im human, she's human. what rights have i to disappoint her when she is doing so much for me? there's still midyear, prelims, and O levels. i really wanna do it.

my differentiation is kinda quite bad. i dont know quotient rule. really needs more practice. thanks to dreaming in amaths lessons & sleeping in emaths lessons.

didnt get back geography class test, but i know that my marks is gonna be like B4 to C6 range. first, i seriously dont know how to do the questions. and also, i didnt study properly. if luck shines on me and i get something better than that range, i truly dont deserve it. and it applies to geography common test too. im really slacking!

hope & pray that THE DATES dont get any earlier.

games day, dont know how go there. blah! dont know how play floorball too.

seems so few homework, chinese, 2 el summary, physics tys mcq.
and so few tests too! so far, next week only have emath common test.

i failed once again @ 10:39:00 pm