no definite answer

Monday, April 30, 2007

why cant that person treat me as a human being? or treat me like how she treats everyone else? or give me some level of respect? i just dont understand. every single chance she gets, she has to spoil my day.

1st - incident of her saying NO I CANT loudly when i requested her to speak louder.
2nd - shooting me a rude stare & answering me in an irritated tone I SAID ITS THE LAST QUESTION ALREADY!
3rd - telling me to go for a hearing check.
4th - telling me to go out of class if i wanna continue talking.

what kind of teacher would refuse to speak louder when students cant hear? at least she could have added things like "next time i bring mic." does it hurt to say that? perhaps she's saving some saliva on me.
then, what's with the rude stare and irritated tone? i raised my hand so long and you didnt see. by the time you told me which question it was, you only added a few more sentences and you asked the class "understand?" i didnt even dare raise my hand anymore even though i dont understand. for i know, you would scold me even more, perhaps to your heart's content. knowing that i was lost in the lesson, you didnt even bother to ask check my understanding.
the 3rd incident i really dont wanna talk about it. thanks for your extremely insulting comments. i requested you to use a mic because i knew you had a throat problem after you said it. i was aware of it and didnt want it to get worse but you told me to get you a mic or go for a hearing test.
yes it was my fault for talking non-stop. but what? just cause i was the one talking, it made you so bloody pissed off you had to say "get out of the class if you wanna continue!" you have not said that to anyone before, even in 4/3. know what? if you werent even using the mic today, there was a possibility i would have just gone out of class. at least then, i will be nearer to you and hear you speak. if you nicely told me to keep quiet and not scold me and shout at me to get out of the class to continue my conversation, i would have just kept quiet and paid attention. but because you didnt, i continued talking and lost interest in your lesson that i started doing other stuffs. and it was really time well spent clearing off quite a pile of work.

you think my hobby is raising my hand in class to ask you stupid questions to interrupt your lesson? i have better things to do okay. you are my teacher, i had respect for you, i wanted to pay attention in your lesson. that's the only reason why i bothered finding out where you were at. but now, its just a thing of the past. i cant wait for the day i can change the 'are' to 'were'.
realise i no longer raise my hand during your lessons. in fact, i rarely do it in any lesson since that rude stare. if i have any questions, i'll wait till after lessons to ask mr G. maybe i was unconsciously afraid of other teachers treating me the way you did...

the reason why im even spending time on my own to study chemistry even though i have seriously been demoralised and no longer have the will to study is because of the other teacher who have helped me so much that i cant afford to disappoint her. i once aspired to take H3 chemistry. now, i only want either Chemical Engineering or Chemical Process Technology (Industrial Option). i just hope you wont make me lose all interest in chemistry.

i wasnt even looking at you in the eye when you scolded me because after all those incidents, i now have minimal level of respect for you. and also, i heard it as 'Qing Wei' and not Jing Wei.

im so happy there's no more chemistry lesson till after exams! which means a break from her for 2 complete weeks! that's seriously the best thing now... no more hell from her.

i just dont understand why she has to treat me like a piece of shit crap that's not worthy of being her student. why does she have to use every chance possible to get at me? i feel like its suffering hell sometimes, on extremely bad days.

and for all the shit she has given me, i sincerely hope and pray that there will be banding for chemistry after mid year and i wont be in her group. its just so so so bad! but i know that many people in the class like her and wants her to teach us, [if she isnt so bad and mean to me i would be fine with her teaching me too] and they'll do their best for chemistry mid year so that if there is banding, she can appeal to the principal to keep us out of it on account of our promising results.

Labels: what makes me so different?

i failed once again @ 7:17:00 pm

Saturday, April 28, 2007

to facilitate entrance into what used to be my damn personal blog, i have decided to remove the password.

irritating people... breaking into my blog.
trying to hack into my blog is equals to doing something behind my back lah, still dare say i say bad things behind others back.

i have already mentioned that the REAL people who were allowed access here have totally no idea who i was accused to have been backstabbing. its only until people in the class started breaking in, they knew what happened in class, so they knew who i was referring to. then someone started accusing me of backstabbing. if that's your definition of backstab, let it be. this blog was where i released really personal thoughts... where few or no people understand everything. i didnt backstab you, however, if you want, come up to me and call me a backstabber all you want. its your mouth!

and for the person who claimed to have respect for me till i destroyed it myself, i conclude that your words arent exactly true. if you had respect for me, why the hell would you not respect my privacy? i didnt force you to have respect for me, you just wanted to have it... how true can your words be? remember, action always speak louder than WORDS.

and to any others who happened to read and now have a bad impression of me.. let it be, its your feelings. i didnt do anything to you to affect it anyway. rather, its more like YOU PEOPLE broke into my world.

after people who were not invited here came, and because i dont know who they are as they didnt have a proper name on the tagboard, i really dont know who to trust and who not to trust anymore. so since i cant trust as many people as before, i opened up this really personal blog to let people intrude into my personal world.

the hurt has already been done. what cure is there?
uninvited people have read my really personal and deep thoughts.
more people reading my personal stuffs makes no difference anymore.
for me, password no longer makes a difference. the reason why is obvious.

1 final thing:

IF I DIDNT RELEASE MY NEGATIVE FEELINGS ON THIS PERSONAL AND PRIVATE BLOG, I WOULDNT HAVE DISCOVERED THE TRUTH THAT UNINVITED PEOPLE ARE READING IT, RIGHT?

i have no guilty conscience.

i failed once again @ 1:27:00 pm

Friday, April 27, 2007

to me, TRUST is an extremely strong word.
it really takes a really big issue to destroy my trust for anyone.

even people who i have just met, i do have trust in them.
except that its the minimal level of trust.
over time, the trust gets stronger as i understand them more.

in primary school, this guy betrayed the whole group of us because he was very unhappy that he was caught for something trivial compared to what we did but we werent caught. but i still had the trust in him. for what he did, was just of criticising people in class and making fun of them sexually. the group of them were doing it secretly in lessons and only they knew. i didnt know if they did write anything bad about me but i had the trust in them. i believed that this guy reported us to the principal and teachers only because he wanted us to change for the better. we had broke the law and as a friend, all he can do to help us is only to report us. i trusted he did not just want to sabotage us. he was the one who made the group of us wake up, just in time for PSLE. im really really a changed person now. i no longer dirty the classroom on purpose, throw staples at teachers, say vulgar words loudly in class, make fun of others or "fight". i was really this kind of student in primary school. now, im not and i will never be like that again.

i TRUSTED that people who i know but were not allowed access to this blog wont break in. i never suspected that anyone will be hacking into my private blog. that was the only reason why i could happily post really personal things here. i didnt even know that there were such comments on my tagboard only until someone worthy of my trust brought it to my attention like the immediate moment she saw it. even then, i didnt start guessing wildly who it was until i came to see the nonsense. you people, who broke into my blog, had severely destroyed the trust i had in you.

dont even mention that i destroyed the trust you had in me at all. you broke the trust before i did! what rights have you to say that? even my family, even really close friends, even teachers, even strangers give me the privacy i deserve. you know what's the meaning of personal life? the Only One who knew everything about me is God. are you trying to be God? even people who i talk to frequently or occassionally but im not super close with didnt have access to this blog because it was really personal. yet people who i dont talk to often break in. who spoilt that trust first? why was the password just my name? why wasnt it something difficult to think of? i have a simple life, and i trust people not to break in here to find out about my personal stuffs. yet they chose to. TRUST is really a strong word, i hate to say that people had destroyed the trust i once had in them or people are not worthy of my trust. if people whom i have just met deserve my trust, why do people i have know for quite some time not deserve my trust?

no one lives in the ideal world. i was just naive and innocent! i was dumb and stupid. im not yet mature enough to understand the world. we study about the ideal world situation, hoping one day we attain that stage. i know now its impossible. we are all living in the harsh reality of the real world. in the ideal world, no one would have broke in here. in the real world however, there are irritating people who break in here and accuse me of being a backstabber because i chose to release my dislike of 1 person on this private blog where no one else knew i was referring to. was it wrong of me to release some negative feelings somewhere private? you mean i should do it publicly for the whole world to know? in the ideal world, only i knew i was releasing my feelings in such a manner. in the real world however, others got to discover my way to release unhappiness.

no matter how much you think i disliked you, i didnt hate you. there's a thin line of difference between those 2 words, or rather feelings. i still give you the trust you deserve. i only gave you minimal level of respect. now, its changed.

since the start of this year, i have been telling myself to hear no evil. telling myself not to take things to heart when people compared ms lim and ms liao. i still had respect for ms lim, she didnt do anything to not deserve that respect. but slowly, i showed lesser respect to her because of the way she treated me. you people call me hypocrite, backstabber and whatever... but the most insulting words still came from her. it was only because she loudly said NO I CANT when i requested for her to speak louder, gave me a rude stare and say I SAID ITS THE LAST QUESTION RIGHT when i couldnt hear her and she told me to go for a hearing check when she was the one with the throat problem that i showed lesser respect to her. i only find ms liao because im more comfortable with her and at least she doesnt treat me like some piece of shit. even though i couldnt understand, she thought of so much ways to try to make me understand. she spent hours and hours turning my C5 into A1 but i still failed to meet her expectations of me. yet, she didnt give up on me. neither did she give up on the class at all. we all knew she had to go other schools for O levels invigilations last year. when our end of year exams results were out, she didnt even scold us. she kept everything to herself. even though we were promoted to secondary 4, she still stayed for hours in the afternoon to conduct remedials for 3 different groups of people without enough rest. she didnt have to do all these. because of all these she had done for me and others, i really appreciated her. even after failing many times, she never gives up on anyone. she could even sacrifice her saturday to go outside to tutor students without any charge. although she was new and inexperienced, she does all that she can to help the students, some of whom dont even appreciate her kindness. and for people who thinks im saying good things for her just because she helps me so much that i got an A for chemistry, who said she was only for my use? she does help other students too. i only treat her the way i am treating her because she totally deserves it. someone who is so determined despite people disappointing her time and again. i really have to give it to her. i dont even have half her patience. on the first day of school this year, she was the one who really turned my day into an extremely wonderful one even though i had wanted to cry at first. she didnt have to know i was sad, but what she did for me was enough to make me happy. of course i was bothered when people compared the 2 of them, but i didnt take it to heart until i realise sometimes, people just cant stop. i slept through her lessons in term 1 but when i requested for the notes, she gave me, though not all and though she only gave me after secondary 3 mid year. if she didnt have this kind of patience, i would have been failing like others too.

i knew that during june holidays last year. a group of people said how sad i would be when someone mentioned she's not teaching anymore. but she just was not teaching 3/4 and was still taking our class. i dont know why people talked about these kinda things too. it sends me thinking, am i really overprotective of her status as a good teacher? no, i wasnt. ms lim may be experienced, but the way she teaches doesnt allow me to learn or understand the concepts. a teacher who can teach well but not be heard is as good as nothing. sitting in her lessons, sometimes, its just a waste of my time because i cant even make out her sentences.

i dont understand why people like to compare them. we dont need a so called good teacher, however you define one, to get A1. its not like good teachers have a hundred A1 to give to students while a lousy teacher only has one A1 to give to students. they are all equally qualified to teach. compare compare compare... that's what aunties always do, we shouldnt get influenced.
as students, we should just focus on studying!

what goes round comes round. you spoilt my trust for you first, so you intruded into the territory of my heart, and found out dont know what thing, and concluded i have destroyed the trust you had for me. i dont know who tagged that, but i do know who i was referring to in the past post. i didnt know that having negative feelings for someone else and releasing it on my PRIVATE blog to make myself feel the negative things are put away is considered backstabbing.

i have trust for people. dont force me to do the extremes.

on another note, thanks bcouz(? dont know what's this person doing at my blog but well... i know who it is -.-), xc, peifang, jun. throughout the times, we are still friends, still worthy of my trust, still worthy of my respect, still the closer friends who gave me the wonderful memories.

and guess what? early this morning, mdm quek came up to tell me i scored highest for physics common test! im so happy. haha, she asked if i have tuition now... another teacher expecting an A1 from me at O levels. so far, the 3rd teacher to say that to me personally. i had once unintentionally attempted to spoil the trust and respect mdm quek have for me, but she didnt care. if only everything was as simple as that...... if only everyone could live life the way she sees it... yay! i done justice to myself for physics again, i only wanna do to the best of myself, as long as i get an A for physics, it can make me go over the moon. HAHA! xP

i failed once again @ 6:42:00 pm

Thursday, April 26, 2007

there used to be 4 people knowing this password. until an uninvited intruder came...
i have absolutely no idea when people "not allowed" access started coming.

i dont care that people are unhappy and angry or have negative feelings of me. its natural! unless you're so influenced by adam khoo workshop you go round smiling at someone who's saying bad things about you...

but the point is..........
there were some particular entries i didnt want others to see, except the 3 of you because i believe you all understand me and i can let you all know. some things are not meant to be said out... even if people who do not know i dislike them did not stumble onto this blog, they can still know that i dislike them by the way i treat them. if i do not ignore you or irritate you or whatever, well... its because im fine with you. not talking to anyone and not acknowledging others is not my way of showing dislike to others. im not the one who likes to make the first move. you dont see me going round saying 'Hi!' to everyone i know unless they say that to me. there's no need to come to my what has become a "flaming platform" to find out...

the reason why you have house keys is simple. you choose who to let in and who not to.

now that others are aware of what's going on here... its either i change password or i dont publish those posts i dont want others except the 3 of you to see, so that no one will see them, including the 3 of you.

does everyone know the existence of secrets and why it exists?
how about the existence of problems and why they exist?

things not meant to be known by others...
might have been known to them without me knowing.

i hope those people only came in on 24th or 22nd april. at least im fine with others reading those posts. if you people did read other posts, which i do not want to know if you did, then why bother tagging only when i say bad things about you? yes, it seemed rather obvious who i was saying about in the post, but you always have a choice to not acknowledge bad things about you which you think are not exactly bad.

im aware i have flamed at least 2 people from my class, including last year. but why did i choose to make this blog private and not public now? i didnt want people to know that im extremely unhappy about another person... just as simple as that. how many people exactly read that post i dont care.. how many people exactly know i am not on good terms with someone else i dont know. only 4 people were allowed to read this blog, of which i believe none would know who i was flaming unless they were in 4/2 but they werent. call me a backstabber all you want. there wasnt anyone except me supposed to know who i was referring to. it was an unexpected break-in. peifang wouldnt know who i was referring to unless she asks me, but she doesnt bother about these kinda stuffs. the other 2 wont even know who's that person if i tell them the name. im fine with people calling me backstabber in this case... considering the fact no one allowed here knew who i was referring to except me. its just like keeping something deep in my heart. i didnt mention names, except of teachers. i did give examples, but only i knew who it was all along. until people broke in and accused me of backstabbing. WHATEVER! i kept this blog private for a reason... there's always a reason for something.

in my conscious state of mind, i have never TALKED bad things about people in my class to others this year. except i talked about teachers. think about it, how few friends do i have? how many can i tell? and how much time do i spend with each of them talking? do i have to waste time telling my few friends something they dont know and expect us to be so engrossed in that conversation? even if i tell, do they understand? they dont even know what anyone did, or who's that person...

i failed once again @ 1:01:00 pm

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

hmm.. so someone "broke" into my supposedly private blog.

sounds a bit like a break-in in a house... whatever!
someone who doesnt have the "key" came in without invitation..

is it considered as invasion of privacy?

but, at least i know that i can trust the FEW friends i have.
its not because some idiot gave my password away..
more of because there are elites around.. yeah, like the Lee family in singapore.

i dont need like so many friends.. i just need a FEW trustworthy ones.
if school is keeping me busy, how would i have time to spend with a million friends?

well anyway.. what the heck is that tiny issue to affect me?

LOL! my first time in this year to like at least pass combined humanities! so im happy lah. after i calculated, i need at least 53 marks for midyear to pass SA1. hmmmmmm....... still not sure whether i should study or not. i have been so used to failing anyway. plus, i dont know the skills.

been reaching school on the dot yesterday and today... sometimes, i really feel like i've lost interest in school. i dont have the motivation to continue anymore.. but whenever i have this lousy feeling, sometimes i will be reminded of my failures in secondary 2. i really regret but there's nothing i can do to that fact anymore. i can only make use of what chances i have left. at first i thought it was a blessing i got into this class with my kind of results, last year went by pretty well. but this year, some things have changed. im starting to regret. i now feel it was dumb of me to indicate this class as 1st choice knowing that i didnt meet the entry criteria.

i failed once again @ 5:36:00 pm

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

mr G was extremely fed up with our class today.
he said some rather insulting stuffs. and that we have no responsibility. and that we let people govern us etc. anyway, its really time we deserve that. he ought to be harsher, but not by using insulting words. it was our class' fault to schedule the e math test this afternoon from 230pm when we knew there is geography make-up. just because some irresponsible lazy idiots who didnt study for the e math test which was supposedly on monday, it got pushed into tuesday. i admit i didnt study but at least i wasnt for it when they wanted to change to tuesday. but still, majority wins. then now, some genius is suggesting we report at 730am on monday again for a geography make-up if not we'll miss out. im for this idea, but i dont see how it'll work out. monday mornings teachers have their champ hours meeting. anyway, its totally fine with me if he decides to not do the make-up with us. because like as if it'll make a great difference...? and its our fault in the first place.

4/2 people... really resort to every other means for the sake of good results. bunch of cheaters & liars. cant wait for O levels to come and each go our own separate ways. fakers...

and its so stupid lah! when you ask someone something, you are of course expecting a truthful & reliable answer right. then the teacher answered your question and you argued that some other classes' teacher told them another thing. what's your problem? which class are you in? waste time just to argue about that.. im so fed up i have been saying things like "easiest way for teachers to have our time is by buying it with money." and "whatever lah.. its the other class. also not our class. argue so much then go be the other class student lah." and of course the most irritating people are those who dont work for what they want... but rather, they go round complaining.

rather bad day. only ended at like 5pm. then i took a taxi home which costed me $5.50. if latimer ended the session a tiny bit earlier, i would have saved that extra $2 charge for peak hour. and i was lugging a box full of files and tys, so heavy that the taxi driver had to use auto open and close door function because i have no hands.

now the thing is...
language exams!

i failed once again @ 7:33:00 pm

Sunday, April 22, 2007

tons of work to be rushed today.

supposed to be doing work till 2am yesterday but instead, i slept at 9plus. sometimes, i really hate going to school so much. even just studying for that mere 1 hour, it will drain me of all energy that i have. once i get home, i only wanna sleep and do nothing else. and that's the harm saturday lessons are doing to me. coming home feeling that i have no energy left. even when sitting down, all i have to do is to close my eyes and i'll just fall asleep. every night as i wanna do my homework, i just have to sit with the homework in front of me, attempt 1 or 2 questions, and i'll find myself waking up later only to know that i have not done my work.

i think its nothing to do with studying. its the environment that im studying in. the polluted air, the really stuffy rooms and everything. even mr leong said our block is exceptionally hot. even those there are 6 fans now, the old classrooms with 4 fans are way cooler. every morning, i have vitamins from the sun during lesson time. imagine the kind of glaring light you look at, how then do you pay attention? then, when there is still sunlight on my row, people sitting directly under the fans go switch it to speed 1. WTF! why do you stupid idiots choose to sit there in the first place? rip me of my rights of a fan. and even when its at full speed, i cant feel the fan anyway. 6 fans yeah right, but the room is far too big. the most ventilated part of the classroom is the front 2 rows only. other than the fans, majority of the teachers would be using visualizer or slides. then the lights would be switched off and all you see is a figure moving about in the dark. when you're all sweating, would you even be paying attention? oh whatever. then very rarely when i feel a breeze from the window, the dust will be blew in together and i will have to get them out of my eyes. my whole worksheet would be filled with dust. then when there's rain, it's the worst part. i have to close the windows because people sitting far far away from the window claim that there are raindrops falling on them, how ridiculous! then the people sitting under the fans would be switching it to speed 1. and i'll be sweating like hell in the corner even when its raining. besides that, i'll be straining to hear what the teacher is saying because of the stupid raindrops falling. then come some teachers who would write so so so small that you cant even see it. for the sake of learning, you squint to see. with the fact that you're already sweating, the headache from your squinting makes you feel worse. been enduring all these crap in school lah. that's why all my energy is zapped out. although i hate to say it, but its true that i am one of the most disadvantaged ones in class because of where i sit. anyway, latimer said that the 4 people in my row seems to be losing out. see all the factors that are zapping every single of my energy...
- sweating during lessons
- squinting to see the words
- trying so hard to hear the teachers
- wiping away dust every morning
and there may be other human factors like irritating reps that get on my nerves. those idiots who always go "jingwei's one leh?" when piriya submits her work. what's wrong with you people? and then there'll be stupid reps who dont even announce the submission of work and in the end, i get scolded for keeping the piece of work because the rep obviously didnt say there was a need to submit it. the most irritating ones are those reps who dont collect the work just because they didnt do the work.
and then, even after a day at school, feeling sticky all over from sweating... you walk out of the school. all you ever get is polluted air and not fresh air. then, because there are only 2 bus services, students will be packed like sardines in a can on board the bus. there have been many times the bus screech to a stop and all the students will come tumbling on me because they were busy talking. its noisy and stuffy. then i get down as it reaches my stop. another traffic light to cross. i would say its more dangerous than the 1 at school okay. so far, the school there at most i have only experienced 2 cases of vehicles zooming past red lights. at my house there since beginning of this year, i have experienced it 5 or 6 times.

i wonder why mrs teo is so happy she 'clinched' the deal for this building. its not even strategic land use at all. imagine a reservoir surrounded by lots and lots of industries. then out of nowhere, you see this school called "commonwealth secondary school". its so stupid! the building is undoubtedly larger than the previous one but its too last minute. this building is so bloody boring okay except the facilities. they have study corners everywhere, but which exactly is conducive to studying? the one beside staffroom is so noisy, especially right after dismissal. then the one outside our class, i would say its only conducive in the evenings. even the library is so noisy. then the canteen would be very noisy because of those guys playing basketball. its another headache to find a place to study. then the SAC is like hell. i dont even bother going there because the lower secondary kids are totally out of their right minds. they just cant behave. and on normal CCA days, choir and band would be dispersed around the whole school building to make it more conducive for themselves at the expense of other schoolmates trying hard to study.

even the submission of a simple piece of work is such a hassle now. its really bureaucratic. must call the teacher out to collect. so irritating. then sometimes, the teacher wont be at the desk but is actually loitering inside the staffroom and the stupid teacher who picks the call just isnt bothered. then, some numbers like 138 is always engaged. i have tried it before. or some teachers, who say "i'll be out in a moment" make you wait like 5 minutes just for them to come out. the whole school system now is really really .......................

and all the events are so so so not well organized. and that's the only reason why our current batch is suffering like hell now. putting up with the stupid environment and the juniors who are making a fool out of themselves in the library everyday. that's also why we have to go back for saturday lessons when the government has announced 5 day work week. its really poor organization. and even with 6 days of schooling with extra lessons after school in place of remedials and CCAs, we are still slow compared to the previous secondary 4 batch. i think mrs teo really ought to look into this matter and stop telling us to move into band 1. it takes 2 hands to clap.

anyway, i pity the other levels because they have more time to spend in the school than us. but perhaps by the time we leave, it may be a little bit better for them.

what's the use of a reservoir? people say got view. but??? with polluted air.

i failed once again @ 10:08:00 am

Friday, April 20, 2007

im so so so so so sad now!
why didnt you go to school today?
is it another drama? drama syf is over already...
WHY? its always like that. is it just fate?

i kept turning to 2/7 to look for you...
time just passed so slowly at that moment.
then, i was searching for you while going back to class.
i still couldnt find you, but i didnt give up.
i told myself that i can still see you in 3/3 later.
BUT the fact is... i didnt have the chance.

i added you on friendster, but you have yet to accept.
somehow, i have this strong feeling...
that you'll approve me as friend after tomorrow.
then the logo will be gone.. it's just once in a year. HAI!

why must such things always happen between us?

sometimes, i really have the fear.
the fear of not doing well for chemistry O levels.
no, i dont wanna disappoint you!
im just afraid.. afraid that history will repeat once again.

i remember in secondary 2... every fortnight or so, i'll sit down with mrs catherine yeo for consultation for english paper 1. i cant remember exactly how this thing started between us. then we'll go thru it together and as time passed, i slowly improved, all thanks to her. but when it was the time for me to show it all, i did the worst i've ever done. i wrote out of point for my essay. i screwed my entire paper. she told me that the moderators wanted to give me a score of something like 6 to 8 out of 30.

i dont want another drama. i just wanna get that A1. i wanna let you know how much you mean to me. but i just have this fear that history will repeat. what if i dont do up to your expectations? how will i face you again? do i even have the courage to apologize to you then? will you then be able to accept my gratitude for you? i dont know. neither of us have the answer to these questions. but i really hope and pray that there wont come such a day.

i still remember secondary 3 MYE. you asked me about the paper. you asked if i did that question. i dreamt that i got 76 for my chemistry paper. but... i know it wont happen, because it's upon 70marks. however, when rounded up, i did get 76% for my MYE. BUT... you marked wrong. im sorry i made you happy that there was at least an A1 in the class but it was just a mistake. im sorry all that i could ever have achieved was an A2.
i still remember secondary 3 EOY. you asked if i could get A1? on the day you returned, you were very lifeless and "cold". when you returned the OTAS, maybe you didnt mean what you were saying. im sorry for raising up your hopes but crushing them all once again. your "good" didnt sound too convincing. im really sorry, it was supposed to be an A1. i did not perform up to your expectations of me.
but even after all these, you still dont give up on me. you're still helping me. you're just so good. you're not teaching the class anymore. you do not have to help me. but you're still helping... even though im not performing to your expectations. i feel guilty.

first day of school i was very sad. but you told me i can still continue to find you. you helped me so much, i could see that you were really trying so hard to make me understand exo and endo reactions.

i still remember the day i told you that you were my idol. you put your arm around me and patted my shoulder. no, it wasnt meant to be a forfeit. im not sure if you got it yet. but you were just so good to me. i dont know how to describe it. when you patted me, i felt like you were comforting me or something. did you know it was not a forfeit? i actually meant what i say.

chemistry MYE falls on the same day as chemistry spa skill 3 assessment for o levels. i just wanna say sorry if i cant get that A1 for MYE for me, and more importantly, for you. but i really have to prioritise, the spa assessment is more important. its for o levels. in the event if i do not do well for MYE, im really really sorry but i make sure that i do my spa skill 3 proper.

im really thankful to you. you have been helping me with no conditions at all. i will not disappoint you further. i know... i know that you have been having a good time this year with all your classes and without 4/2, i want you to continue being happy.

there's still 6 more months. im willing to change. im willing to stop slacking. i will work hard for the A1. i know its still a long journey to go... i will persevere. i will never fail chemistry again. im sorry for my attitude towards chemistry. im sorry i failed the test. im sorry that i dont even bother to attempt the questions. im sorry that i give up so easily. i just hope you can forgive me, i'll really change my attitude towards chemistry.

i failed once again @ 10:47:00 pm

Thursday, April 19, 2007

think today is among the better days i had.
LOL! because i was actually doing work while enjoying myself and also eating enough. how long have i been unable to do these stuffs together in a single day?

1 strange thing i realised about the singapore education system.
everyone has to report to school early in the morning. MOE disrupt students' sleep. then go to school, majority of the lessons in the classroom, you'll realise that the front row lights are switched off. it isnt the students' fault when they fall asleep in class okay. why singaporeans get myopia? simply because of trying to save electricity...

gotta like rush out my stupid chinese letter writing tonight. it was supposed to be due yesterday but i escaped it. other than that, i only have the accumulated stack of physics and amaths worksheet and chemistry mye 2006 P2, so it isnt too bad. i completed P1 during physics lesson. weekends will be super busy, gotta clear the accumulated work & complete all the mindmap assignments.

finally, or at least i think tomorrow afternoon will be free. so far, no activities. margaret didnt say anything about maths make-up. HAHA! hopefully tomorrow will be a nice day.

saturday there's english from 930am to 12pm in the auditorium. more post-mortems for all the past exercises. and i still have a stack of english corrections to be done by monday.

monday is gonna be damn taxing. early in the morning, we have physics common test. topics tested is more or less covering the topics for mid year exam. then 1pm got MT mock exam again. after mock exam, e maths common test. its really so packed, no break at all. test & test non-stop. monday already got 3. then tuesday got chemistry spa skill 3 test again. wednesday so far nothing yet. thursday MT midyears. friday english midyears. there goes the whole of next week, burdened with tests & exam papers. my life is so screwed up.

kind of like good news! mr G has sent the geography notes for printing. so it means we'll get it before midyears! initially, he only wanted to give us after midyears because he wanted us to be self-reliant and make our own notes.

i said "clash of the science teachers!" right in front of ms lim today.

during english remedial today i was like so malu lah. talk too much already & too loud. i was imitating all our teachers lah. then suddenly adelaine turned back to look in my direction... so i tried not to talk too much even though i failed. sometimes, im really gaining some weird stares in class. but well, there are times i didnt even do anything and people turn to stare at me then went smiling at me after a while. freaky!

holy shit! my partner was caught for not paying attention during chemistry lesson today and the frog flared up because my partner couldnt answer her question and i was telling my partner the answer. what's her problem? people come into class late she also never threw tempers... only call them stand outside. HAHA! she never dares to call me during lessons. because she knows i know the answers to her questions. at least i know what she is teaching when i talk okay... even though i cant hear her. read up on my own lah! so simple.

the word "stress" somehow still doesnt exist in my life at this point of time. i know many people keep complaining about stress and whatever. i may be feeling it actually. its not that im not aware of me being stressed. rather, im too busy to think that im stressed to actually go feel the stress. no matter at which stage of life you're at, stress always exists. its just how you deal with it. when you were young, you do something which you consider difficult, people many years older would scold you for being stupid because you dont know how to do. those people scolding you feels that you have no stress because the task you're doing is so simple to them, but they feel they have the stress because as compared to someone younger than them, they have something more difficult to juggle. so what's stress? who cares about stress? the more you care about it, the more setbacks you're gonna face anyway. if people are really that busy, there's no time to feel the stress at all. stress is always there, whether you feel stressed or happy, its up to you to decide, decide which is better for you.

i failed once again @ 9:15:00 pm

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

today i COULD hear ms lim ~~speak~~scold! what the heck.. i also dont know what happened. after our SPA skill 3 test, she suddenly shouted "SIT UP & PAY ATTENTION!" well i initially thought she said stand up... but nevermind that's out of point. we all did as instructed. then she asked what are the appropriate conducts when a test is in progress? and she started ~~talking~~shouting more nonsense. that we were chatting during the test, we were smiling at each other etc. WHATEVER! she knows all these... but does she know that someone cheated not by talking or smiling? fuck. she doesnt know. and there she's saying we're trying to cheat by chatting and smiling. after talking to us about integrity & the singapore education system, she went to talk about our tests. she said most of us are L0 or L1 because of all the small mistakes we made accumulated. and she was damn bloody angry when she said all these things. like blood pressure shot up. she said she went through in class, and if we studied or paid attention in class, why are we getting such easy things wrong. WTH! what's wrong with her.. she didnt mention names. but she was obviously referring to me lah. say what got people write SPOONFUL, and when she taught us such phrasing. stare at me somemore! i didnt write spoonful, i wrote spatula full. yes, at first i thought it was supposed to be measured in grams what, but then it's like how you measure 1g of powdered things? you go measure 1g of powdered substances using an electronic mass balance for me to see lah! plus it is used as catalyst what.. so i suppose 1g is enough because i only used 5cmcube of H2O2. then what? you expect me to measure 5g and waste that much catalyst just for 5cmcube of H2O2? so i was misled and wrote spatula full instead lah. but what the heck. how can she scold us just for that? we only have like 1 or 2 chemistry spa skill 3 practice besides those 2 from study camp okay! and know what? she only taught us the skill properly because she wanted to test this. damn it lah, what's wrong with you? physics we have 11 practices already okay... mdm quek should be the one rambling at us for getting this and that wrong. she give us so few practices then start judging us already. i now wrong better than wrong at O levels right? HUH? i now correct doesnt mean i O levels 100% sure get it correct again what. i wrong, maybe i have the chance to learn from the mistake, can? then still say what she doing her best to help us get distinctions for chemistry at O levels. she said our spa skill 1 and skill 2 very bad, so its not too late now that she come and help us in skill 3 so that our skill 3 marks can help us cover up for skills 1 and 2. like real lah, you think i stupid fool is it? if our skills 1 and 2 THAT bad, at least those 2 can retest one ok. its just that the bloody chemistry teachers lazy only lah. say until ms liao so stupid and ms lim so smart like that. what the heck you getting at? cos almost whole class fail chemistry last year, ms liao is stupid. i didnt know got such things one. then what? how about cos more than half of our class had to meet principal regarding term 1 results, means lianglu very stupid CM also lah? fuckyou lah. you think you and your 5/1 very good lah? yeah lah, you smart until take the 1st class in secondary 5. somemore, where got teachers during test go talk to students one. go point out their mistakes during test somemore... best teacher ever lah. you do that in front of ME and you still dare to stare at me when you are talking about our conduct during the test. then after talking about the small tiny mistakes we made, she went to the most important and serious issue. she ~~said~~shouted this: WHY DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE TO CHANGE TEACHERS? WHY IS THERE A NEED FOR THE SCHOOL TO CHANGE TEACHERS? IF YOU ARE ON MY SIDE, I ASSURE YOU THE DISTINCTION FOR O LEVELS. IF YOU CHOOSE NOT TO BE ON MY SIDE, THEN BE IT LAH. YOU CAN STUDY ON YOUR OWN, DONT MAKE ME WASTE MY TIME ON YOU. staring at me, she starting shouting this: I KNOW SOME OF YOU ARE SMART. BUT SMART DOESNT MEAN YOU'LL GET DISTINCTION FOR O LEVELS. IN FACT, MANY STUDENTS WHO GET DISTINCTIONS ARE THOSE WHO USUALLY FAIL. THEY STRUGGLE TO GET IT. what the heck she getting at? one, im not smart lah, you ass. two, so what if people are smart? you got something against smart people? trying to curse them not to get their distinctions right... third, why are you fixing your eyes on me? then she continued: IM A VERY OPEN PERSON. IF YOU DONT LIKE THE WAY I TEACH, COME UP WITH A FEW SUGGESTIONS SO I CAN TEACH BETTER. IF YOU DONT LIKE ME TO TEACH YOU, JUST WRITE A LETTER SO THAT I CAN LEAVE YOU ALONE. I HAVE NO PROBLEMS WITH IT, IM VERY OPEN. BUT THE PROBLEM IS, DO YOU HAVE THE COURAGE? stare at me somemore lah. you got eye problem is it? must keep staring at 1 particular person one.

from all that she had shouted, i have a hunch it is because i went to consult ms liao instead of her. but what to do? which idiotic stupid student would go consult a teacher who cannot be heard by the student? and yesterday, i saw with my own 2 eyes, she was carrying her mic back from somewhere to the staffroom. now, what's the problem? the mic not compatible in class 4/2 is it? she teach i cannot hear, scold i can hear clearly. and even better, during the test she made changes to a statement in the question paper, i didnt even hear her say.
i also dont understand how she scold until that part about changing teachers and her being open... from test conduct to test mistakes, can JUMP to talking about teachers. [now i know why i fail standing broad jump.]

anyway, im not drawing any conclusion from this scolding which made us late for assembly. if she is hinting at something and since she is SO OPEN, i suppose that she will not beat about the bush. i believe that if she has something against me, she will come straight up to me and let me know. so because she hasnt done that, i find nothing wrong currently.

i failed once again @ 4:36:00 pm

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

ahh! gastrics again now.. currently at JRL.
bad bad bad. only managed to eat some chips at 4plus.

yesterday's common test was bad too.
i studied! but i couldnt do part B.

margaret didnt come again today.
so free period again, but i had to go for english!
GRR! but it was fun anyway...

hmm...
so so so busy nowadays.
gotta rush off soon, supposed to be meeting my mother at JEC at 5.35pm.

actually came library wanted to use heymath review lower sec stuffs.
then realise they dont have it now. WTH!
what for i pay so much for heymath. waste my money.

think im having my MT oral tomorrow.
and then have chemistry SPA skill 3 test during remedial slot.

saturday got english make-up again.
thursday have english remedial.
hopefully friday im free to come library to use computer.
BLAH!!!

many physics work. all piling up like amaths ws like that.
quek gone crazy. give us 3 to 4 worksheets per lesson.
how to finish...

im late for meeting my mother.
'gotta rush off'

i failed once again @ 5:30:00 pm

Sunday, April 15, 2007

by right, it is sunday now. hopefully wont rain.
not like it will affect me anyway... -.-

so the econs project was a success! it was very fun.
though it was supposed to be 150 minutes, we used 300 minutes.
LOL! but i enjoyed it thoroughly.
teachers have no more milo to drink. we finished all of them on their behalf.
many people started eating milo, i didnt, cos i didnt feel like it.
and G gave the strange look like "milo.. eat it? eww!" that kinda face.
hasnt he eaten milo powder before? weird eccentric guy.

so unfair. we were 2nd group to present.
everytime meet up, we are last group.
then wait for him so long till others all go back.
final presentation he make us 2nd group.
but it all went quite well, except we used too little time.
but many groups used too much time anyway -.-

how i wish i can sit beside cassandra in class..
its like we can joke together but we know when to get serious.
but with piriya, we only know how to joke non-stop.
everytime i try to pay attention, she'll try distracting me by her doodlings or irrelevant stuffs and asking irrelevant questions.
its fine anyway, i've been through this last year.

we were dismissed at 1pm finally.
some of them left at 12plus for something else.
was so damn hungry lah.. till my gastrics were starting to act.
actually i had so many questions to ask...
but i only asked 1. all the others dont know how phrase.
throughout the presentations, i kept asking cassandra this and that.
LOL! well.. cause the groups were contradicting what.
like eg Co-operatives put consumers as top priority. and Co-operatives give special discount for their members. so they trying to say no discount = top priority? but its common-sensical lah.

reached home. ate till 2plus. then i fell asleep on the sofa.
my father came home at 3plus. then i cleared up and went to my room to sleep.
finally woke up at 6plus and had dinner only at 9pm.
now im doing WORK!

finished editing the logo already.
finished physics spa skill 3 ws 9 also.
finished physics tys 4.2 mcq already.
so im left with physics tys 4.3 mcq, electric shock ws and amaths tys.
then have to revise for history CT and do mindmaps too!
i make sure i pass history CT this time. though its SEQ...

but ms lim really bias what.. never give me smiley face.
LOL! -.-

i failed once again @ 2:48:00 am

Friday, April 13, 2007

13 more days to mid year!
and im glad to announce i have not started revision.
think might as well dont revise at all...

hmm... what to say?
my bigcouz last minute again today. yesterday last minute sms me say she no longer in school. today last minute tell me she got meeting. so i ended up staying till quite late. then keropi saw me with her, and i smiled to keropi. xD she's clear of how she treats me in class. THANKS so much. oh yes, my bigcouz was walking up the stairs with keropi! omg. wonder what they talked about. then i anyhow tell her keropi bias cause she asked me why she have that worksheet and i dont have. so bad! but i said jokingly lah.. then i said i didnt say she bias lah. HAHA! and to make her stay longer with us, i kept saying 'thinking... still thinking...'
HAIYO! she fell for my trick. told her that her 'that thing' is wet and she still going to touch it. then she ask what thing? so fun...

and IP survey today. i did maths, chemistry, comb hum & economics. then for maths, i put a smiley face and wrote 'Good!' like as if i am a teacher. for chemistry, i put a frowning face and nothing else. i cant write anything lah... will be so obvious the moment i start mentioning about mic.

tomorrow economics project presentation. its like another IPW kinda thing for us. its from last year holidays start researching, till this year then submit final product. still need do evaluation for other groups. totally like IPW. plus, still have oral presentation. and still meet-up with teacher. after tomorrow, i can leave the "derrick has done everything and what are we supposed to do? how?" feeling aside. but first, we'll have to start by reporting half an hour earlier than others to rehearse our oral presentation. because we haven't rehearse it yet. and it is supposed to take min 9min 45 sec and max 10min, or else you have bad grades. so its kinda difficult to either drag for that long or keep it that short. especially when our group research is entirely done by our leader and the rest of us knows nothing. and our group's presentation is really short. we only have like 5 slides currently.

been acting crazy in class recently. with the mountain fresh water crap, the crunchiness of it, the famous amos smell of the water, how i get up at 5am just to get the mountain fresh water etc. it all came about when i was trying hard to tempt mr G to drink water in class but instead, i over-succeeded to the extent he left his bottle in our class. also the pen cap rubbish, trying to be professional, the name tag thing etc... just getting crazier and crazier lah. last year was the invisible notes trick.
[oh yes! just now bigcouz say "you get a clearer picture?" i actually wanted to say "huh? where got picture?" but felt it was too off for the atmosphere.]

next monday is history common test. so far this year, i have not passed any combined humanities test yet. i studied and wrote all i could for the latest history class test but i got like 3 or 4 out of 12 or 13. it just sounds so depressing at times. i think its just problems with my answering skills. LOL!

HAIX.. i just wish mid years can come and pass quickly. and SPA skill 3 will be over quickly. and MT O levels will be over quickly. keropi told us our SPA skills 1 & 2 no one full marks. but i thought it was quite hard to get full anyway. for physics, what quek ever said is that we all did quite well, if continue on, can get A1 for physics. how true her words are, i am not sure, because our school dont do exactly well in physics at Os.

NAPFA is over. 1 thing cleared. but i have to go for retest for my standing broad jump. cant jump as far as the frog can. tomorrow over and another thing cleared. i'll really edit the logo tomorrow and clear another thing. hopefully, i can get on with revisions for mid-years.

i failed once again @ 7:30:00 pm

Thursday, April 12, 2007

IM DAMN FUCKING PISSED OFF!

i dont care about the chemistry common test. the thing is actually i 'vomitted' out everything from her so-called MODEL O LEVEL ANSWERS and you know what? all of those i am short of 1 mark to get full for the question. MODEL O LEVEL ANSWERS lah.. model somemore lah.. go do catwalk lah. damn ass frog! MODEL LOR! i not only lost marks, but the most important thing is that i lost my skills of phrasing answers. cant she just let me learn on my own? im not a 3 year old toddler, i dont need you to spoonfeed me with answers. last year, i could do way better with my own phrasing. now, you made me lost the skill of phrasing. that's the only thing i wanna thank you for! bloody asshole.

that one above is just a 0.01% contributing to why im angry. its not significant at all.

the real reason is that she TOLD ME TO GO FOR A HEARING TEST! fuck her man. in primary school, i've been living hell with teachers & the principal but know what? this is the MOST INSULTING COMMENT i ever received from a teacher. who does she think she is? very big lah. malnutritioned jackass! its so not funny okay. i didnt scrutinize her for her throat problem... i just suggested her using mic. i didnt mention anything about her throat problem at all and she told me to go hearing test. im so bloody pissed off! even when i was in primary school, even when i steal, people never said such insulting things to me. even when i broke the law, no one ever said such insulting things to me. what they say might be a bit insulting, definitely not any insulting than what she said to me, but WTH! they said it only because i broke the law. now, she's saying such insulting things to me when i did no wrong. ENOUGH of the shit. she's been treating me like a piece of crap. 1 thing i have to say is, my brother has hearing problems since young, but i DO NOT. however, its SHE who have the throat problem and refuses to use the mic. i WILL never ever acknowledge her as my chemistry teacher! she's not anyone who exists in my life. why the heck must she take every single available opportunity to insult me? plus, its not only I who complain of not hearing her. i really really really give up this stupid 'argument' thing. i will never ever talk to her again. the last time i said it, i didnt keep my word. this time, i make sure i keep my word. its not worth my time talking to someone who has throat problem. even qi'en, she tries to use sign language which i can understand. and i can tell that qi'en's throat problem is maybe a million times worst than ms lim's. and for tomorrow's lesson, i have already planned with piriya to move all the way to the front to ensure that we hear her, loudly and clearly.

this blog, i've treated it as a personal space already, at least temporarily. that's why i locked it up and only a few of you have the access here. im not making it public because im posting really negative comments about teachers who are getting on my nerves, and its not supposed to be publicized. that's only what I think of her... and its not meant to be affecting any others' perspectives of her.

WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEINGS. HOW YOU TREAT ME WILL BE HOW I TREAT YOU IN RETURN. that's all i have to say... its reciprocal.

i failed once again @ 4:30:00 pm

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

hmm..
from this week on, it will be 6-day school week for 4/2!
im not very happy lah, its depriving me of living my life, but what can i do? just grit my teeth & bear with it. GRR! thanks mrs teo for putting it on our batch to move the school to band 1 for express stream.
and even before many other pupils from our class step down from their respective CCAs, teachers are 'booking' us on tuesdays already.
high demand + low supply = mismatch of demand & supply which results in long waiting times.

i passed my a maths common test.
WTH! there were only 2 survivors in our class.
initially, i got back my script, i was like "damn! yes i know my standard's been dropping like asteriods from space to earth". but even when i knew i was the rare ones in class who passed, i still felt the same. cos im supposed to be doing to my best & not to others' best what.. im living for myself & not for others. so why compare? waste time only.

waliao! dont know what's wrong with latimer.
i DID talk during her lesson, but she went "JINGWEI! ...... PIRIYA! Stop it. Enough!" like some time after we talked? or is it that she has slow reaction? i just finished drinking water and she shouted my name. at first, we were both swatting flies. but cant blame what, its natural response. imagine this big fly buzzing in front of you, you'll just shoo until it goes away. then she stared at us. but seriously, i've already encountered 4 spiders in my area since start of school. somemore still got white spider. my that area really has lots of different insects, great for biologists lah! whatever... i'll SHUT my mouth up in english lessons from now on. i'll bear with it.

1 good thing. my dear chemistry teacher has started using mic in class. thank god! just in time before we do the IP survey and before anyone gets the chance to complain of not hearing a teacher teach... wonder how much of her life savings went to investing in the mic.

today physics remedial that teacher is so funny. say i want to cheat him... he's quite good lah. i would prefer him to mdm quek. HAHA! and he said i gave the "please dont eat me up!" look. after that, peifang said its rather true because i was showing a really innocent look. ooh! interesting...

i want keropi to return us the chemistry common test papers. im anxious to know how i did. HAHA! cos i stayed late to study for it. and made such a comprehensive mindmap somemore. so of course, after all the hard work, im expecting good results lah. LOL!

was so crazy today. especially during economics lesson. omg! i wonder what G is ever teaching. perry asked him what he meant by the 4th point on the slide and he said just leave it out, if dont understand then dont write in your answers. WOW! and you know what? the only conclusion i came to was that G was talking about everything else except the points on the slide. he's such a smart guy lah. oh yes... then the both of us started tempting G to drink water, but as usual, he took his bottle, opened it, talked, closed it, then put it back on the table. and we also put pen caps in our pockets trying to look professional as if there were pens in our pockets. and we took photos of our professionalism. xP

i think im really those kind of student who just cant sit still and listen during lesson. DAMN it! i just have to make myself occupied with something else all the time. except when i just entered the class last year and sat beside joanna, all other times, i have been talking during lessons. as in the case for last year, i was occupied with sleeping rather than talking. then the more i talk, i get used to it and do it more often. its really just a matter of time before people will know me as being noisy in class when lessons are going on. BLAH! i shall do my best to keep quiet. wth! didnt know i was such a fast student. even before margaret taught us, i've already done the work. =.= even before G taught us, i already know what it is. so amazing!

and another interesting thing about me. i dont like to do work given by teacher... so that's why im found to be rushing work in class at times. but the thing i do is that when i feel like it, i'll do whatever work i want that is not assigned by the teachers. as long as its homework by teacher, i'll leave it aside, i'll just do what i want to. LOL! maybe that explains why im "fast" and always end up having nothing to do during maths lessons.

HAI... tomorrow gonna find bigcouz le.

i failed once again @ 8:08:00 pm

Sunday, April 08, 2007

i just checked the flight schedule at the website.
yay! my parents are returning today.
their flight is scheduled to land at 2335h.
hmm.. i guess they're probably on their way to hanoi airport now.
then after all the procedures, they should be back home around 1am, i hope. xD

maybe i'll stay up to wait for them to come back.
HAHA! monday lessons are not too taxing anyway.
and that's what i do every sunday night.
stay up late to study for monday common test.
but tomorrow is just mother tongue, so its not too bad afterall.

i would have gone to send them off last thursday if i could make it in time.
but then too bad we were discussing about our logo.
plus, i was the stupid dodo who suggested to do it on thursday.
so i couldnt cancel it off just to go send my parents off.
nevermind, i shall go the budget terminal some other time.
to see how different it is from the 2 other terminals.
i havent been there yet. HAHA!

wonder what they'll bring back with them... LOL!

for the past few days, we've only been communicating through sms.

been spending the past 3 days trying to complete my whole mindmap assignment in vain. im still left with many many more to go. its hard to complete all by this week, but im sure i can do it. because once again, im the dumb person who set the deadline as any day this week. so yes... so much for my intelligence used in the wrong way.

and i still have many homework to be done. gosh... so many things to do. but well, i like it. i like to be kept so so so busy. at least i wont laze around then realise i've done nothing productive.

18 more days to MYE 2007.
i havent started revision yet...
probably gonna mug like crazy.
but i cant afford to fall sick during the exam period again.

and yes, 2 more weeks till we step down from CCA!
so more slacking to go... and im done with art club. xD

great! there's no more stupid occassions or events to disrupt our lessons anymore. so i think it's gonna be intense lessons or crash courses from tomorrow onwards... just for the mid year. everyone wants to do well right? who doesnt want to do well?

once again, our english mid year is super hard. its confirmed, especially when it is teachers like latimer and anba saying it, there's no doubt, no queries, its 100% hard. prepare to die again, but i gotta get at least C5 to maintain my standard. cant afford failing again because then, i'll fail overall MYE. oh yes, anyway, i failed my common test with 34% again. its exactly the same as last year. what the heck! history repeating itself.

i failed once again @ 6:19:00 pm

Saturday, April 07, 2007

my parents are so cute!
they sms-ed me last night.
i was laughing cos i thought it was funny.
but it still feels nice to receive an sms when they're overseas.

did some mindmaps yesterday.
but i still have much more to go on.
19 more days to MYE...

again, lots of work to be done this weekend.
its always the results of piling up work during weekdays.

designed the logo the whole afternoon yesterday.
only did my work at night.
but it feels good to do so much things.

today have to do chemistry TYS homework.
experimental chemistry mindmap.
physics mindmaps.

there's still many more mindmaps to do.
HAIYO!

oh yeah!
i just found out something...
that lixin is from the School of Chemical & Biomolecular Engineering in NTU!!!
so cool. all the 'li-something' april babies. HAHA!

i realised NTU is like very what..
even if diploma in CBE, cannot go SCBE.
only diploma in chemical engineering can go SCBE.
and somemore, dont have direct start from 2nd year.
NUS is much much better.
can get up to 40MCs for the modules if got diploma.
but then... poly to U is very hard, though possible.
still, i wanna go poly! many people from 4/2 wanna go JC though.
but like i care? i dont like most people in the class.

borrowed 2 books from library.
one is "Dozen of Cousins" the other is about population policies in singapore.
both are quite interesting actually.

im staying home for the 3 day holiday.
cos no one wants to go out.
nevermind, got time do more work. LOL!

hope monday can go home early, at like 3plus.
cos my mother not working.
& i can see her for like after 4 days?
i wonder what they'll bring back from hanoi.

HAI. my brother is super good to me.
during the 3 days of adam khoo, i get home so late & tired.
i just bathe & sleep. but without fail, he'll try to make me laugh each night.
but because i was so tired, i ignore him and scold him. yet he didnt mind.
and he bought so much food for dinner last night.
its really nice to have a brother like that, though he used to be damn irritating last time.

i shall get on to CHEMISTRY TYS!
though i dont like the teacher, i wont let it affect my results.

i failed once again @ 11:52:00 am

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

yes! we were the 1st today. i hope she will remember this.
its so fun. just to get the little things done kept me busy...
but its all worth it! the feeling is just so great.. (:

must wish her happy birthday tomorrow @ turf city!

went to meeting room again. 2nd time already. xP
14 april need go back school for economics project presentation.

NAPFA 5 stations today. i failed 1 station.
standing broad jump, short of 7cm.

this morning so coincidental. the moment i saw one altis drive past, then saw her walking out. its really fate. altis is such a common car, and it just had to be her...

chemistry remedial was a waste of my time, seriously! even if last year remedial she didnt come, we were given worksheets or tys to do. but for 2 consecutive remedials, we had stayed back just to do chemistry filing. what useful remedials! we could have done it at home right?
whatever! she's really 1 irritating chap. treat me like im invisible in class but when i was stepping out of class, she called me back in. it just sucks you know! i told her bye and she ignored my presence and she called me back in. what the heck? and i had to answer her bloody question before i could leave when others dont even need to. i really dont know what she has against me. whether it concerns ms liao or not, i dont care. if she did all these because of me and ms liao, then it only shows that she's jealous over some stupid matters. bloody hell! i dont use her formula, but i do remember them just in case. i've been provided with the formula last year by ms liao and i've been using it since. you expect me to change just cause you feel you're better than her? at least i was able to tell you the formula means i pay attention in your class even though you know i cant hear you. i really cant take all these crap.
i've already given up listening in her lessons now. i know i used to talk during her lessons & doze off unintentionally, its my fault. at least i made the effort to change my attitude towards her, but maybe its just useless. i hate raising my hand during her lesson. im not trying to interrupt her lesson, but i just cant hear her. its as simple as that, but she doesnt know. and because of all that crappy attitude she had shown me, i'll never approach her when i have doubts unless its highly necessary.

if things remain as it is, my mother will tell lianglu about me not being able to hear her during lessons and her refusing to speak louder incident when meet-the-parents session comes. i really dont know what to do. my mother say there's really nothing else that i can do when the teacher gives me such attitude. if she complains to the ministry or the school, i'll just enjoy hell from the teacher. if she calls up to confront the teacher, i'll be living hell in class.

its like amin & his geography teacher...

my left leg so tired now, and i dont know why. hope good friday really GOOD lah, if not next friday is unlucky friday.

oh yes, now i know how keropi looks like. just google-d it.

and.. "kiasu" is an english word now, right? so interesting.

i failed once again @ 7:35:00 pm

Monday, April 02, 2007

omg! whatever happened to bigcouz...
trust her to wear bright pink + green skirt.
her sis should teach her colour combi.
its really such a clash of colours. very OUTSTANDING.

chemistry common test wasnt too bad, luckily.
i stayed till 130am just to revise it. so hardworking!
i will work for my A1!

haha. my MT mock exam 3 improved 1 mark from mock exam 1. so its from high B4 to low B3. but at least got improve. mock exam 2 dont have to worry cos its paper 1, so easy. heard that next week is MT common test... so what about mock exam?

no a math remedial again today. 4/3 snatch our margaret loh! but that gives me quality time for slacking & sweating in class.

our economics group is so jialat! the powerpoint slides & notes submission is by tomorrow, and apparently, we havent done anything. Damn!

our class suggested signing class petition to change school bell. BOLIAO! damn lame. i hope it doesnt work out anyway.

x-country on thursday. then have to design our logo after that. parents wont be home from thursday till monday.

my aunt called just to ask about adam khoo workshop. she seems pretty keen in sending her kids for it too. anyway, they come from rich family. so paying 10 times more than what i paid is no pain for them.

mdm quek wasnt here today. mr chua fell for my stupid raise-hand act, piriya said i really sounded innocent with that sudden HUH?! stupid mr chua. he keeps flirting with us. he'll walk a round the class and stop at our table everytime and say some random things that have nothing to do with physics, then walk 1 round & come back again.

latimer not here today too. our common test results doesnt look good. she's angry with us for not performing. but the fact is, 4/3 has got extra practice & they dont miss lessons. 4/4 & 4/5 doesnt miss lessons too. although 4/1 miss lessons, we're lagging far behind them. so what's up with us not performing well? we have missed at least 20hours of lessons already okay! i would say its partly our fault, its partly her fault.

lianglu blamed me for not sitting according to register number today. but what the heck! apparently, as i was strolling down the aisle to my seat, ridz told them to move up so i had no choice but to cut into the queue out of nowhere & he couldnt find me.

showed my mother my life path. she seemed pretty supportive of it. at least she's not the type of person who makes me go to top JC to give her something to show off. she's fine with me either going JC or poly. xD i really dream of the day i put on the white coat and work in a lab! haha.

i failed once again @ 6:31:00 pm