Friday, April 20, 2007
im so so so so so sad now!
why didnt you go to school today?
is it another drama? drama syf is over already...
WHY? its always like that. is it just fate?
i kept turning to 2/7 to look for you...
time just passed so slowly at that moment.
then, i was searching for you while going back to class.
i still couldnt find you, but i didnt give up.
i told myself that i can still see you in 3/3 later.
BUT the fact is... i didnt have the chance.
i added you on friendster, but you have yet to accept.
somehow, i have this strong feeling...
that you'll approve me as friend after tomorrow.
then the logo will be gone.. it's just once in a year. HAI!
why must such things always happen between us?
sometimes, i really have the fear.
the fear of not doing well for chemistry O levels.
no, i dont wanna disappoint you!
im just afraid.. afraid that history will repeat once again.
i remember in secondary 2... every fortnight or so, i'll sit down with mrs catherine yeo for consultation for english paper 1. i cant remember exactly how this thing started between us. then we'll go thru it together and as time passed, i slowly improved, all thanks to her. but when it was the time for me to show it all, i did the worst i've ever done. i wrote out of point for my essay. i screwed my entire paper. she told me that the moderators wanted to give me a score of something like 6 to 8 out of 30.
i dont want another drama. i just wanna get that A1. i wanna let you know how much you mean to me. but i just have this fear that history will repeat. what if i dont do up to your expectations? how will i face you again? do i even have the courage to apologize to you then? will you then be able to accept my gratitude for you? i dont know. neither of us have the answer to these questions. but i really hope and pray that there wont come such a day.
i still remember secondary 3 MYE. you asked me about the paper. you asked if i did that question. i dreamt that i got 76 for my chemistry paper. but... i know it wont happen, because it's upon 70marks. however, when rounded up, i did get 76% for my MYE. BUT... you marked wrong. im sorry i made you happy that there was at least an A1 in the class but it was just a mistake. im sorry all that i could ever have achieved was an A2.
i still remember secondary 3 EOY. you asked if i could get A1? on the day you returned, you were very lifeless and "cold". when you returned the OTAS, maybe you didnt mean what you were saying. im sorry for raising up your hopes but crushing them all once again. your "good" didnt sound too convincing. im really sorry, it was supposed to be an A1. i did not perform up to your expectations of me.
but even after all these, you still dont give up on me. you're still helping me. you're just so good. you're not teaching the class anymore. you do not have to help me. but you're still helping... even though im not performing to your expectations. i feel guilty.
first day of school i was very sad. but you told me i can still continue to find you. you helped me so much, i could see that you were really trying so hard to make me understand exo and endo reactions.
i still remember the day i told you that you were my idol. you put your arm around me and patted my shoulder. no, it wasnt meant to be a forfeit. im not sure if you got it yet. but you were just so good to me. i dont know how to describe it. when you patted me, i felt like you were comforting me or something. did you know it was not a forfeit? i actually meant what i say.
chemistry MYE falls on the same day as chemistry spa skill 3 assessment for o levels. i just wanna say sorry if i cant get that A1 for MYE for me, and more importantly, for you. but i really have to prioritise, the spa assessment is more important. its for o levels. in the event if i do not do well for MYE, im really really sorry but i make sure that i do my spa skill 3 proper.
im really thankful to you. you have been helping me with no conditions at all. i will not disappoint you further. i know... i know that you have been having a good time this year with all your classes and without 4/2, i want you to continue being happy.
there's still 6 more months. im willing to change. im willing to stop slacking. i will work hard for the A1. i know its still a long journey to go... i will persevere. i will never fail chemistry again. im sorry for my attitude towards chemistry. im sorry i failed the test. im sorry that i dont even bother to attempt the questions. im sorry that i give up so easily. i just hope you can forgive me, i'll really change my attitude towards chemistry.
i failed once again @ 10:47:00 pm
