Thursday, February 09, 2006
i have so much things on my mind.
but i don`t know what to say.
life seems to be so boring for me.
i just wanna go back to the P5, P6 days.
when everything was just so relaxed.
you don`t have to fret about anything.
you do anything you want and nobody cares.
when everyone was so innocent.
i wanna joke with everyone again.
i wanna live a carefree life.
but i guess it`s impossible.
i don`t know what others think about me.
but i don`t care.
it`s what they think. i can`t change it.
i may be irritating.
i may be proud.
i may be selfish.
i may be idiotic.
i may be a bitch.
i don`t know what people think.
and people don`t know what i think.
so i guess it`s fair.
i seem to be so depressed nowadays.
i don`t have appetite.
i`m easily distracted by anything.
i`m unable to concentrate or focus.
i don`t know why.
somehow, i feel i don`t have a true friend.
we seem to be drifting further and further apart.
and i realise, our friendship never torn us apart before.
we never seem to have conflicts.
i just think things aren`t that perfect.
i seem to be a loner.
i`ve lost my talent of speech.
i ain`t able to speak as freely as when i was last time.
i`m also irresponsible.
i don`t feel like being a geography rep.
i`m doing all the wrong things.
making tons of mistakes.
not telling people what to do.
and i myself, don`t even know what to do sometimes.
i feel it`s all wrong.
as each year passes, i become more slack.
right now, i`m already satisfied with a JUST PASS.
totally different from when i expected As.
and i`m in 3/2, for god`s sake.
even today`s a maths paper, i know i`ll fail.
i somehow wanted to break down during the test.
i just couldn`t do anything.
i wasn`t able to solve anything.
i wanted to cry then. for not being able to do anything.
ANYTHING at all.
i was tearing papers. and doodling all over.
to vent my anger.
and i only completed 2 or 3 questions.
which means i`m gonna lose at least 8 marks.
i know i`m failing.
i didn`t care about anything at that moment.
i just knew i was failing the paper.
i couldn`t do anything to help myself.
i felt so useless. i just gave up.
i just felt this bad.
i failed once again @ 7:38:00 pm
