Saturday, September 02, 2006
i think i should just drop physics. maybe i will be able to divert all my attention to english then, no more worries for physics. i feel dumb, struggling so hard to hang on to these 2 subjects, but each time, i fall back harder, my heart sinks deeper. mrs loh is probably right, some people aren't meant to take 9 subjects. somehow, mdm quek is not the same as before, i can no longer consult her readily anymore. i cannot say that she's given up on me, but it's all my fault. both ways, it'll still hurt. if i continue taking physics, it's gonna be a struggle between both english & physics. it means devoting lots and lots of time to the 2 subjects, making sure i pass them and especially with latimer around, english has got to be a distinction or somewhere near there, far beyond my current abilities. but if i drop, yes i can heave a sigh of relief but i don't feel good at all. mdm quek has gone to so much troubles just to help me. when i failed my physics mid-year, it wasn't only sadness, but also i felt sorry to mdm quek. lianglu told me i failed physics, my mother told me i failed physics, and i was just sorry for mdm quek. i think i've disappointed her enough. seriously, i can't just go up to her one day and tell her that i've learnt nothing in term 3 and ask her to teach me again. it's not that i don't want to listen, i did pay attention in class, but everything makes no sense to me. in the first place, this class wasn't what i wanted. being 85th in level, it was off the spaces of the 1st 2 classes. besides that, i only scored 58 for english. my marks didn't satisfy for the requirements to enter this class, but somehow i ended up here. i didn't want physics or economics initially too! all along, i had wanted biology instead. but then, i came to this class and struggled with physics. then, i struggled with economics. and all along, i've been struggling with english. life wouldn't have been like that if i wasn't in this class. if i pass physics, it's always because of MCQ. i can really get atrocious marks for the other sections. even with solutions provided, i may not be able to understand it still. i really just have this urge to fail the physics end-of-year, since it's said to gonna be really tough, and be advised to drop it. there's no point for me to cling onto this 9th subject if i keep failing it. what's the point of taking 9 subjects if you are actually failing? besides that, i really gotta focus on english too.
i failed once again @ 6:56:00 pm
